Seriously, it's like 60K for a flappable box, only that the box is populated with a CPU, a few shiny things, and a drunken jird...and the drunken jird runs the show.

Over the years, my computer has caused me an inordinate amount of uncontrollable rage and heartache, more than any, and I'm including girls, Americans, the last half hour of "A Walk to Remember," and the current state of F1 combined. It's awful...

How does it piss me off? Well let me count the ways:

- The sound card just sucks: If I run too many programs, the sound will actually start skipping. So when I'm listening to "Mr.Lonely", I have to put up with "lllllonnnannananellyy I'm ssssssoooosssoooo lllllllonnnnannanananely..." It's worser than few of those DJ's at the local dance bars!

- All that wireless shit: My computer has wireless everything: mouse, keyboard, internet...it's extraordinary. And I know it sounds cool. Good for all those times, when I want to check my stock stats on a day when the market touched an all-time high and my portfolio touched an all-time low, sixty feet away from my laptop. But I've finally discovered the dirty little secret of wireless. "Wireless" is Latin for "Might work, Might not." I'm not kidding, if any kids are reading, wireless is to consistent as inconsistent is to consistent. I swear!

- Speaking of wireless I could not have missed mentioning the wireless router that goes with my Internet. This in my humble opinion is the technological equivalent of Marxist interpretation on trade laws and Common Minimum Program (at least I am told so). I sometimes feel that the cobbler (who has finally settled down under our apartments) could devise a better router with his set of tools and old boots!!! Seriously, I've had people take me off their address books because they are sick of me constantly being signed in and off in YAHOO. It's not fair. My Internet is costing me friendships, and that's not including those perverted-drunk-offline messages. Sorry guys. Please put me back on your buddy list...

- Random websites won't open: I love this. I'm trying to access tubgirl.com so that I can have something interesting to entertain me during dinner, and all I get is that famed "Cannot reach server" nonsense, or H404 (or some shit like that), which is computer code for "You wasted 60k!"

Speaking of "Cannot reach server" I love the troubleshooting tips they give you.

Step 1. Try clicking refresh

Step 2. That didn't work? Well, you're shit out of luck.

- The freezing thing: It isn't bad enough here during the winter and the temperatures never dips into freezing levels. But my computer is intelligent; it compensates and freezes, only it's idea of freezing is to plumb stop working. Then, you try Ctrl-Alt-Delete, the Gita-Bible-Khuran of computer troubleshooting. But at times that doesn't even work, so you very calmly take out that little Lithium-Ion shit from the bottom and place it back. (Just like Business as usual!!)

- Those random bugs: Actually, this is quite interesting. My Winamp currently has this weird bug where it randomly picks a song upon startup, but here's the crazy thing: it always picks a great song, and I have like 1400 songs. So, in essence, my computer has the same musical taste I do.

After all I guess it's not so bad...