Hey you there..!
Stand-Alone Dreamer | 27 September 2005, 1:08amCommon sense and pronunciation lose all meaning when it comes to getting other people to identify you correctly
My name's Abi; What is so difficult?
It's a simple name. It's not like my name is Bartholomew Montalbalm Cathetermew. Abi. Just Abi. An A followed by a B (just to make things really simple for people who have started picking up alphabets) and a poor and harmelss I. Still, one trouser stain after another has a problem. These are the same assholes who can't read my driver's license because there's a slight bend in the plastic which means you actually have to devote .40596 of a second to make out what it says.
Dumb A******: What does this say? Andheri or Andhra?
Me: Umm, Andheri.
Dumb A******: It looks like Andhra.
Me: Have you ever heard of a place called Andhra in Maharashtra?
Dumb A******: No. it would be cool though if there was one.
Murder of stupid people should be made legal.
People at work do this all the time. I realize I work in an office with nearly one thousand employees, but my theory is if you're going to make me do something, know my fucking name.
Asshole I work with: Can you fax this, Ravi?
Me: My name's Abi.
Asshole I work with: Really?
Me: Nope. I'm lying. I just wanted to see what it felt like to be named Abi for only a brief second. And it felt great. It really did. Sorry for the confusion.
This is why people get shot in their offices.
I love it when people want me to do something, don't know my name, and try to play it off.
Prick Boss of the other team: Hey, uh, you. Can you call the Security?
Me: (Not paying attention because I'm not Chineese and Yu isn't my name.)
Prick Boss of the other team: Excuse me? Excuse me? You. YOU!
Me: (Playing Yahoo! Pool, still not paying attention, scouring the office for Chineese or Japaneese.)
I think Chineese and Japaneese people have retarded names. I'm serious. What's wrong with Rohit and Rahul and Abi? Chang Tzu? Shih Pao? Those sound like noises my neighbour's dog makes when it has an indigestion or something. Do dogs get digestive disorders? Next week, I'll run my post by Animal Planet, I swear.
I love when I give my name to someone in America who hasn't grasped noun-verb-object-predicate. I went to this Mexican house when I was at Austin last year, and they needed my name so that no one takes my delicious "Large Mexican Caesar Wrap with extra cheese and without feta". Me and the guy behind the counter, Mexican Joe as I call him (anyone who can't speak English in the US is a Mexican, stay with me plz) had this exchange.
Mexican Joe: Wrap Caesar, meat no, more chesse, feta no, name?
Me: Abi.
Mexican Joe: Avie?
Me: Abi.
Mexican Joe: Babi?
Me: Abi.
Mexican Joe: Abi?
Me: (Resigned to the fact that I'm going hungry, go hell with him.) No. Babi.
Mexican Joe: Wrap Caesar, meat no, more cheese, feta no, Babi?
True story.... :-)
Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: nothing..really!
Posted in Personal | Next | Previous | Comments (11) | Trackbacks (0)
1. By sonu | 27 Sep 2005, 1:46am
amazingly hilarious...
you've a wonderful way with words!
2. By rishabh | 27 Sep 2005, 3:07pm
aiite man,10 on 10. that was jus too funny!!!!! keep it up.
3. By dawn | 27 Sep 2005, 5:12pm
wow!
been a major major while since i last read a side-splitting post as this one on this blog site!
Good one... abi, can anyone hear? :)
4. By Stand-Alone Dreamer | 27 Sep 2005, 11:09pm
Thanks Guys :)
Great to have you guys in here!
5. By simplegrl | 28 Sep 2005, 7:01am
really funny! you really can be a comedian...
6. By Vamsee | 30 Sep 2005, 8:15pm
LMAO Hey Abhi....ohh ohhh did I spell ur name wrong ?....now i hope u wunt pen down another blog.... care tat I drop down here...anywas tat was hilarious Abi.... (tats was rite aint it)....
7. By Aran | 2 Oct 2005, 2:10pm
"Murder of stupid people should be made legal."
I second that. Stupidity is genetic. We'll be doing our bit to help Mother Earth.
8. By Stand-Alone Dreamer | 3 Oct 2005, 1:53pm
He he he..
V: You managed to get it rite at last.. :-)
Grl: Comedian!?!?! Now was that a praise or an insult!?!
Aran: Intresting that 'people (read YOU)' have started thinking like mois.. But on second thoughts its kinda scary for the world!! :-s
9. By Twigrl | 8 Nov 2005, 7:27am
Ofcourse Praise!...its not easy being an comedian....is it?!
10. By Stand-Alone Dreamer | 9 Nov 2005, 12:06am
Well, As i understand it, it is not easy being a comedian "BY CHOICE".
But anyways I would not want to divulge into any of those areas and spoil my sacred compliment!
Thanks TWI!
11. you are a perfect dork
By Nirmal | 18 May 2008, 5:20pm
whats wrong with u and china to insult their names , language . is it bcos u just did not like chineese food y had yday .
again u dork ;)
- Nirmal