"Happiness is more about bad memory!"
and I cant remember the last time I was happy!
"waterfall,
hairfall,
water dripping."
wrote that long back... and it still makes me happy reading tht. Dont dreams make me happier than reality? Many-a-times I had felt that.
That day, when I was traveling on a bus sitting next to my, then supposedly girl friend, holding her hand wanting it to be seen by others, but at the same time trying to gain the pleasure of making it a secret gesture... i sure was on the seventh heaven. A perfect idyll, not in the strictest of all senses I would say, but nevertheless a close hit. With a light drizzle outside and still 4 hrs of journey to go I actually thought these exact words
"I am the happiest person in the world. A girlfriend, a student at a very good college, the exams over... what else does a man want?"
But after nearly five years down the line, I knew I had been wrong many times. Utterly wrong. Times when me and a friend of mine would go to the college grounds 11 at night.. and I used to dream then, sitting right under the naked canopy of stars, gazing at them, giggling shamelessly, almost unself-consciously, dreaming... And I knew I was "Happy". I was not wrong.
I met him online a few days back after a real long gap running into months. He then asked me
He: Can I ask you a question?
I: That's a wierd request
He: Wierd in the sense?
I: Ofcourse you can ask...
He: Do you still gaze at the stars like we did?
(a smile crept its way on to my lips) and I replied
"Yes, I do. But only lonelier and longer..."
And that's when I knew someone can make new definitions for what happiness is and what it means to you. A warmth that it creates inside you whispering that you had been right once.
And I still dream. Newer dreams and ofcourse memories.
Visit Adi da....
(teary eyed..)
Lonely and longer for me too....
*sniff sniff*
A sense of deja vu swept over me as i scanned thru ur post...jus random lines of thought,but they probably tell you the story of a million other people.
I stare at the stars, sometimes alone, sometimes with a bunch of friends, and everytime i do so different feelings run through me...
Your post touched a chord...somewhere deep down. :-)
hmm.. did it make u sniff?? well as you said... *ironically* i wrote it only to myself.. ;-P