There are a few things you need to know about me –

  • I have a thing for older men.

  • I completely and totally adore James Blunt.

  • I think that Christopher Reeve makes a better superman than Brandon Routh.

  • I love the rain. It does strange things to me.

  • I have theories on just about everything in this whole wide world.

And today I have this strong urge to share with you one of my most persuasive theories of all time — “The Great Classification Theory”…

The Pretenders: 

Characteristics: Pretend to know the entire top-notch, page 3 crowd. Act as if you are worth nothing. Phony to the bone.

Punch line: He/she is a very close friend of mine. We get along fabulously.

Sample Conversation: 

Pretender: Hey sweetie…wassup?? Watchya been doing all these days…haven’t seen you around for quite a while now…weren’t you at Priya’s party last night.

Me: *clearly frustrated* I wasn’t at Priya’s party. I don’t think there was a party in the first place. Priya and I were having a quite dinner at the Waterfront.

P: *fumbling for a bit* Ahhh…must have been the day before then…see…I go to so many of them…I have lost track these days!!

Me: *cold stare*

P: *Time to change topic* Do you know this new guy who has come into town? The one who works for Microsoft and all?! Fabulous guy, I tell you…I’ll introduce you to him sometime, you’ll fall in love. We hang out together most of the time.

Me: *surprised* Are you talking bout
Roy?! I’ve met him, nice chap…I don’t remember him mentioning you though. *Final nail in the coffin. Now watch him run and how. Ha ha)

P: Alright then, I’ll catch ya sometime later…bu bye sweets, meet ya tonight at Liquids.

Me: *Like duh*

Do’s:

Do all you can to tell them that you know they are all “fake”. Though they will pretend like they didn’t hear ya!!!

Don’ts:

Keep your mouth shut when they say something that you know is a lie…if u don’t speak up then, they’ll continue their tirade and there will be no escape for you.

The Social Clingers: 

Characteristics: Clingy, will never leave you alone, no amount of sarcasm will help, not even very strong hints will work.

Punch line: Can I come along too?

Sample Conversation: 

Social Clinger: Hey, what r u upto this weekend?

Me: Nuthing much, the usual. There’s this party to look forward to though.*Oh damn…why did I say that?!! I’m soooo dumb*

SC: *gleeful eyes* Can I come along too?

Me: I’ll have to check with the host. Dunno if it’s an open to all thingie. *rapidly looking around for an “Exit” sign*

SC: Puleeeeezzzz… *”the puss in boots in Shrek” look*

Me: Alright, alright, I’ll take you along. *there’s no escape. I’m so dead*

At the party:

SC: Don’t leave me alone, I hardly know anyone here.

Me: I know everyone, I need to mingle.*sarcasm…why can’t some people get it ever?!!!*

SC: I’ll follow you around.

Me: *thinking deeply and regretting having got SC along* God save me.

After the party:

SC: What are you doing tomorrow? Can I come along too?

Me: *runs away never to return again*

Don’ts:

Never mention your itinerary to them. Their natural tendency is to ask if they can come along.

Do’s:

Keep away!!!

The Oglers: 

Characteristics: Also known as the chest talkers. They manage to find all the corny pick-up lines and then even try to use a few on you. Extremely persistent.

Punch line: You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

Sample Conversation: 

Ogler: Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Me: Can’t you think of anything more original than that?

O: Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

Me: *clearly amused, really wanna check out how many he can come up with*

Me: That’s about the best you can do?

O: Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

Me: *Alright, I was the one who asked for it…now its time to beat a hasty retreat*

Me: *Pretending to wave to a friend* Ok O, it was nice meeting you, hope I don’t bump into you again!!*run*

Do’s:

Seriously…don’t do anything, just run!

Don’ts:

Never egg on an Ogler; you have no idea what you are getting yourself into!

 

I see that this has got to be very lengthy for a single post...will prolly list out the rest in another post soon.



Current Mood: Triumphant
Current Music: Wisemen, James Blunt