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Story of Pee

Neurotron | 1 June 2004, 3:50pm

‘Pee’ is not a word.

‘To pee’ is not, or should not be, a verb. I have my theories on the origin of ‘pee’. I imagine it was invented by some socially conscious mother to keep her renally, and verbally, hyperactive child from inadvertently blurting out he wants to urinate. That would be so embarrassing, wouldn’t it? Can’t blame the child, really. Can’t expect a young one between the ages of 5-10 to say ‘Mother, I would like to urinate’ or ‘ I would like to be excused to attend to the call of nature’. ‘I want to go’ might introduce complications such as ‘Go where? Why? Who with? She’s not right for you!’ and the like. Or worse, the nightmarish – ‘Mom, I went’.

And it would have to be a little boy, wouldn’t it? I mean, we lot develop concepts of shame or socially acceptable behaviour quite late. Masculine contests relating to size and what you can do with it are essentially age-no-bar. How far, or how high is how legends are born; and they stay legends forever. ‘How small’ is essentially the entry criterion to Loserville, and there you shall stay for the rest of your pathetic, measly existence. There’s really no point to size contests with women contestants because, let’s face it, it’s a no-brainer. It’s all rather obvious. Which makes our jobs easier, initially, and that’s why we spend all that time and money trying to find out if there’s anything else worth bragging about to the guys. As in ‘..and she’s got brains too!’. No shame there, guys. If women were attracted to, and fell over themselves to bag the guy with the most brains, there would be no such species as The Geek.

But I digress.

So the little boy’s mother decided to develop a code word. Thus, the code is to ‘P’, not ‘pee’. As in, she picked the first letter of the word ‘Piss’. Now, Piss. There’s a word! It’s been used since time immemorial to signify that wonderful, natural activity. I say ‘wonderful’ because, as far as guys go, the world is our p-ground. And ‘Piss’ has so many other usages – piss drunk, piss off, take a piss at or take the piss out of someone, pisser (yes, that’s what it means), pisshead…not ‘pee’, for crying out loud. Get your facts straight – the Father of the (non) word ‘pee’ is ‘PISS’.

Use it, that’s what it’s there for. And tell your children the truth. As if we don’t tell them enough lies already.

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  1. 1. By aloque  |  1 Jun 2004, 4:50pm

    nice pic!!! mr.n

  2. 2. By Neurotron  |  1 Jun 2004, 4:59pm

    thats the 'Mannequin Pis' in Brussels. You'd be amazed what a big deal they make of a tiny statue of a boy pissing!

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