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Why its called Pub craaawwwll

Neurotron | 7 June 2004, 5:54pm

So I was invited to go on a pub crawl with my PhD seniors.

Harry explained the concept. You pick a Tube line(on the London Underground), stop at every station, go to the nearest pub and up-end a pint. Repeat ad infinitum, or till pass outum (just puking doesn't count). Oh yeah, or till the line ends. Of course, you can't really just stay wherever you end up (yeah, cos THAT would be stupid, right?). So lines must be picked carefully. The best ones have friends who live at the end of the line. If not, you reach the end and do the same thing on the way back, if you can make out the difference by then, that is. At some point, it gets a little fuzzy whether you're coming or going.

So Harry tells me how he and his friends once picked the circle line. They did the whole line once and then a half. 36 stations. They were smashed by about 15. Sheer determination and single minded devotion to the goal kept them going. Yeah, right. Sheer blinkin' stupidity and the Jackass mentality, more like. And what a perfect line to pick - the Circle line. Because, you guessed it, technically, it never ends. Plus the fact that they had no clue what was going on.

You get so drunk that pretty soon, a pub crawl becomes simply a game of Follow the Leader. The first challenge in this game in this situation is to identify the leader. Then comes walking (that thing where you put one foot in front of the other), THEN following. It's not easy. And matters are not helped when 'leaders' begin changing at every station/pub. Pretty soon, all 'leader' means to you is the guy immediately in front of you. You can't really see much beyond him and this person in the jacket, whom you've never seen before, is the only person you really trust.

After the first 15, the boys were on a strict regimen consisting of the following :

1. Get into Tube.
2. Try to make out the difference between 'moving' and 'not moving'. Not moving just might mean 'stop/station'. Get out of Tube.
3. Try to focus on area with bright lights and fast music. Go in. Shit, not pub. Lots of pink stuff. Shit, adult store. Get out of adult store.
4. Try and focus on area with dim lights and loud voices.
5. Go to such area.
6. Drink.
7. Piss.
8. Puke.
9. Drink.
10. Get out of pub. Walk.
11. Try and focus to see where lots of people are headed.
12. Follow.
13. Shit, back at the same pub. This is NOT right! The rules MUST be followed! Only ONE drink per stop! Feel rather righteous.
14. Get out of pub.
15. Try and locate Tube station (with the same line as the one you got off from - there are RULES!)
16. Go back to step 1.

It's called a 'crawl' because 30,000 years of evolution will be worth exactly an arse's bollocks after 30 pints of lager. You obviously cannot walk and make about as much sense as a demented sloth.

Harry paid (maybe not dearly enough) for his lovely experience. He was so dehydrated and his stomach had shrunk so much he couldn't keep down food or drink for 2 days. He vaguely remembers a police station but he's not sure why. It took him 4 days to realise he was 2 days late for work. Oh yes, Harry paid.

And I was about to.

Current Mood: Sloshed
Current Music: Lets all get drunk tonight - Afroman

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  1. 1. By aloque  |  7 Jun 2004, 6:54pm

    funny man....i think i'd last abt one station before i hang on to someone's coat tails. i have been known as some what of a legend for being the cheapest person to take out drinking. all i need are half a beer and a few cigarette fumes.

  2. 2. By Jaszalcatraz  |  8 Jun 2004, 6:17am

    Insanely funny

  3. 3. By Neurotron  |  8 Jun 2004, 9:27am

    Aloque - so when we goin' drinking then mate? ;-)

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