Winning a national level contest should make you feel proud. Winning a chance to meet with MTV VJs should make you feel nauseous. But anxious was the appropriate adjective.

Spain, the team that I had been rooting for the last three international tournaments, was finally on the brink. I just wanted to enjoy the match on a giant screen. The timing of the match meant that there was no way to watch it on a giant screen at sports bars or pubs – they all close by 11.30.

Watching it with MTV VJs on a large screen inside the largest store of the world’s largest sports brand had to do for now. Largely. 

I was the winner of this contest floated by MTV and Adidas. Two other winners were flown in by Adidas to be part of this bonanza. All of us were our respective cities’ Finger Football champions.  Finger Football is a simple game where you use your index and middle finger to dribble a tiny ball and score a goal on a miniature pitch.

The three of us were touted as the best in India. Laughing hysterically was an option that I considered for a while. Then realized that this was a marketing initiative – it’s against the law to have more than 10 % truth to any of it. Reassured I braced myself for a night of juvenile nonsense (excluding the final) that accounts for a lot of TRP rating these days.

Ranvijay Singh Is King and Anusha Klules were the two MTV celebrities we had the pleasure of being with.

As I walked into the Adidas store, I got introduced to three people:

  1. Ankit Agarwal: Winner from Kolkata. He was the typical Indian kid – 19, engineering student and totally enamored by MTV. And he thought Michael Ballack was a phrase used to describe unfortunate events.

    Michael: “I failed in the exam.”

    Ankit: “Michael, Ballack this time. With Gullack next time, you’ll pass.”

   He had as much interest in watching the Euro Cup final as an Arab has in buying sand.  He was there for the MTV VJs, and perhaps ever more, to put his pictures with them on Orkut (he already has).

 

  1. Siddharth Roy:  Winner from Hyderabad. He seemed like a hardworking, middle-aged man deciding instinctively to get involved in something cool. That’s until he told me he was just 25. He had bought the official German jersey from the store in Hyderabad. No wonder they made him the winner from the city. With the price on that jersey, I’m sure even the German football team wore cheaper imitations while playing in the final. Adidas owed this poor guy at least a trip to another Indian city.

 

  1. Harjeet Baweja: Assistant Retail Area Manager for Adidas. He was the ever-sneering sales guy whose sole purpose in life seemed to meet sales targets (can’t blame him either, but this is marketing my friend – there IS a difference, you know). “Hey, Harjeet, I’m cold and dying. Can I borrow the Adidas sweater to save my life?” Harjeet’s reply, “Mom, the sales enterprise software that we use won’t allow me to enter this purchase. Moreover, my inventory won’t add up. You can have my sweat band if you want.”

 

With these three and an MTV crew that was busily setting up the scene for the VJs to come in, I uneased into the setting.

The young, little journos (from the Indian Express, the Hindu and the Deccan Herald) were asking us these penetrating questions like, “So are you excited?! How well do you think Finger Football will do? Did you practice a lot?”

They were obviously here on the insistence of the PR agency – all they needed was some pictures and couple of sound bites from the VJs which in all likelihood they would never use.  I did my bit by giving them some dope which did not make me, them or the PR agency seem too lame.

Ranvijay and Anusha finally arrived. We were quickly introduced to them and they customarily brushed us aside, while the media went berserk clicking their pictures.

We were called to record a minute of fame with the MTV VJs. This was our moment when the VJs would chat us up, and we would provide our expert opinions.

The camera started rolling, and the first question was directed at Ankit, who was this close to passing out.

Action:

Anusha: Welcome to MTV and Adidas Finger Football. Today we have with us the champions from all over India. Let’s ask them and find out how this works.

Ranvijay: So, how did you feel beating a little boy in the finals of the Kolkata round?

Ankit: <Looking as if Ranvijay had suddenly dropped his pants down and revealed that he had 4 testicles>

Production Lady: Cut! Cut! Ankit say something exciting.

Ankit: <Still looking shocked and hurt at Ranvijay>

Ranvijay: Baby, your leg is still swollen <looking at Anusha>

Anusha: I’m going to go and sit – these lights are not good for my eyes.

Production Lady: <Pulling the mike from Ankit and teaching him what all to say>.

I: <Totally checking her out – she was the best thing about this whole ordeal. Hardworking, sensible and a killer smile>

More mayhem like this and later, dinner at Ebony, and we were ready for the finals on the giant screen. Spain won and everything was perfect.

Lessons to be learnt:

  1. Adidas may be the largest sports brand in the world (they own 48% market share - including Reebok of course), but it still hires wrong people to do the wrong job. Sales and marketing are two separate functions – don’t mix them. Because of Harjeet refusing to let us be part of the loyalty program and slyly giving me a Spain jersey which was not their official one, he’s lowered Adidas’ brand equity in my eyes. When actually it should’ve been the other way around.

 

  1. MTV is strictly for the birds. Anusha apparently made a ruckus when she was checked into a 4 star hotel and not a five star (Event coordinator lady was saying this). She did not let the mike technician place the mike jack behind her – she wants only Ranvijay to touch her there. I mean it’s good to be cautious for a girl, but this was really “bottom of the barrel” stuff.

Every other sentence that Ranvijay uttered to the press and on camera was a lie. “I went around the cities and saw all these Finger Football matches.” – Lie. “I heard you practice Finger Football a lot at work?” – Lie. “I saw you beat a little kid in the finals…” – Lie. I can only imagine now how much of a reality show Roadies is. Don’t get me wrong – I always thought the show was scripted - but seeing Ranvijay in action, I know that most of it is impromptu. No wonder it’s misleading the youth of the nation.

One good this about him is that he was supporting Spain. Even if he did not know if the jersey he was wearing was that of Spain or not.

  1. How can I not ask the nice production lady for a number? And if it is my girlfriend reading this, it is to know when the 5 minute promo would be aired on TV and not for anything else.

*Last names changed to save complete embarrassment

Excuse the formatting and the quality of the pic.