WARNING! THIS IS PLAIGARISED MATERIAL.
But it was somewhat in line with my issues with dating, and its funny, so here it is.
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Here is a easy-to-use guide to the points system -
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed...+1
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows...0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...-1
You leave the toilet seat up...-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty...0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom... -2
You go out to buy her milk and bread... +5
In the rain...+8
But return with beer...-5
And no milk and bread...-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night...0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing...0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something...+5
You pummel it with a six iron...+10
It's her cat...-40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party...0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old drinking mate...-2
Named Tiffany...-4
Tiffany is a dancer...-10
With breast implants...-18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday...0
You buy a card and flowers...0
You take her out to dinner...0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar...+1
Okay, it is a sports bar...-2
and it's all-you-can-eat night...-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team ...-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with an old pal...0
The old pal is happily married...+1
The old pal is single...-7
He drives a Ferrari.... -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)...-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie...+2
You take her to a movie she likes...+4
You take her to a movie you hate...+6
You take her to a movie you like...-2
It's called Death Cop III...-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans...-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly...-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too"...-800
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding...-10
You reply, "Where?"...-35
You reply, "No, it's not the dress, I think it's your bum"...-100
Any other response...-20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen, displaying a concerned expression...0
You listen, for over 30 minutes...+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience...+ 50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her
saying, "Well, what do you think I should do?"...-100
You have fallen asleep...-200
ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk...-100
You don't talk.... -150
You spend time with her...-200
You don't spend time with her...-500
You look unhappy...-750
You seem to be enjoying yourself...-1000
Think you can be in the positive...?
whoever wrote this gem... should be credited by +10000000.
hahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahah*hic*hahahahahaha*gasp*hahahahahaha*faint*
wake up wake up. I thought the guys would find this funnier than the women.
GUYS vs GURLS
you think the guys have a sense of humour...-10
you think ONLY guys have a sense of humour...-20
you think about guys... -987976
LOL. Bluddy hilarious. And that includes the comments.
just deduct it from the 10000000 you already awarded the writer.
dude..hahahaha!! dat is some hilarious sh!t !!
btw...who uses toilet paper around here? :-S
Plagiarised or not, dude, this is the best post on blogs. My jaws are hurting. I think the people in my office are calling the mental health department. I cannot stop laughing. Doctor, what should I do? OMD!!
HAHAHA the last part was the funniest! there's truly no way to please a woman when its that time fo the month