The Shadows Celebrate Another X'mas and New Year
Stand-Alone Dreamer | 17 January 2009, 1:47pmI've not been working for last few weeks, which for me means 'put aside what I'm doing to work on some other unprofitable projects'. Anyway, here's what happened this Christmas Season:
Because I've never worked as RJ, one of my favorite things about Christmas is hearing all the songs on the FM. One thing I've noticed is that it takes some stations longer than others to get into the spirit, so the days leading up to the 25th provide an eclectic mix of x'mas rhymes praising Lord Jesus and SRK's latest hit: "Tujh mein rab dikhta hain". Vaguely unwholesome. I was listening to the radio with my kid brother, and changing the station was kind of like tip-toeing across a minefield. It'll be like SHUT YOUR EARS WHAT HAVE I DONE?
One of my friends revived thoughts about the game of Monopoly. I had been a huge fan of the game during my school days and after extensively testing it out, I had produced a list of People You Don't Want To, Under Any Circumstances, Play Monopoly With: People who refuse to make any kind of trade whatsoever, for fear that it will lead to their demise; People who care if you're in jail or just visiting; People who think landing on Free Parking means you win money; People who arrange their houses and hotels really neatly, and then get upset when your dice roll knocks them down; People who always treat the game as a car race; People who try to pay out 10000 bucks in 100 rupee coins; People who always want to be banker; People who never want to be banker; People who always lick the title deed cards after mortgaging. That basically just leaves me, the undefeated Monopoly champion of the world!!
I have started using 'Axe' Deodorant Bodyspray. I tried using it like it was being used in the commercial, by putting some on and then stepping into an elevator in the hope of being ravaged by beautiful women. No such luck. I just rode the elevator for a day and a half, eyeballing everyone who stepped inside with me and waiting for the delightful sexual romp that never happened. Damn you, Axe Deodorant Bodyspray! I witnessed a girl step into an elevator with me who was also wearing the Axe Deodorant Bodyspray, so, obviously, I tackled her to the ground and tried to get it on with her just like the commercial told me to do. Yeah, I know. That excuse didn't work in court, either.
I keep getting offers to sign up for new credit cards. I already have enough of them that I cannot find a proper wallet to fit them all in at one go. Everyone I know keeps urging me to buy more credit cards. They're like "Dude, I have, like, a 10 Lakh credit limit. I'm so cool." Since when did it become cool to brag about all the money you don't have? If I had taken a forged home loan from the bank and lost it in gambling you wouldn't see me going around saying "Dude, I'm gonna get arrested for fraud. That's so cool." In fact, you probably wouldn't see me at all, since I would already be on a plane to Macau or Vegas. Now THAT would be cool.
I won this luck draw in a mall nearby. Nothing big, really. A free meal at Mc D's. But they made me answer a 'skill'-testing question. Some thing silly like 4 + 3 - 1 = ? What the hell is the point of this? Is it discrimination against really stupid people? I kept on thinking. Instead of a skill-testing question, they could subject me to a duel-in-the-cage-till-death against Khali. Think about it. You come back, all bruised and bloodied, and everyone would be like "WOW, he EARNED that burger."
Please do not email me telling me that I plucked this out from the new Cadbury Bournville Ad... I already know, and you don't win anything!!!
Someone suggested me to buy a new cell phone. I had recently brought what people then claimed to be the best phone Nokia has released till date. Except that they relased another one claiming the same thing the very next month. This cell phone has too many buttons. I was trying to add someone's number into the address book from an SMS, and it took 3 of us 45 minutes and we still couldn't figure it out. I thought cell phones were for normal people now. Why the hell do they make it so complicated? A few years ago I had a really great cellphone, it only had one button. There was never any doubt about which one to push. Want to add someone's name into the address book? Push the button. Want to make a call? Push the button. Want to play Snake? Push the button. All you had to do was Push the Button. I've read through 105 pages of instructions for this new phone and I still haven't found out how to play Snake.
I got a new printer for Christmas, because it was really cheap. I had to go to office four times last month, just to take print outs. Now I got this sweet deal and swiftly snapped it up. I was proud of my "deal" until, I realized that I needed to buy a new ink cartridge. That's like almost three times the cost of the printer. For INK! Bloddy heck, somebody get me an octopus and a clamp vice, we'll save some money!!
I hate people who make New Year's Resolutions and then brag about how quickly they broke them. They're like: "I resolved to quit smoking... and lasted only 7 hours!" Wow. Aren't you a superstar. Me? I've resolved to start smoking. Seriously, guys. Smoking's never been cooler. My problem is that I can't get myself addicted.
People Unclear of the Concept, Part 997 - An actual sign at a beverage booth in Mussorie reads "Iced Tea (heated) - 25".
I hate New Year's. Each year is worse than the last. It's about a week and a half of hype and then a drunken orgy of idiotic events. I keep promising to stay in on New Year's Eve and hide under the bed, waiting for sunrise, and then I always end up going out and regretting it with great intensity. This year was no exception. I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say that at 4 in the morning a friend of mine and I were driving around in a jungle with no remote signs of civilization, looking for another friend of ours who was probably lying dead in a tree-top. The worse part of the whole night is that it took me no less than 4 hours to break "MY" resolution: To stop giving a shit about other people's well-being.
My recent flight to Mumbai was supposed to take off at early-o'clock in the morning, so I was understandably fatigued when, about 25 minutes past take-off, an elderly women on board began seizing and we had to turn around and make an emergency landing, thus delaying my breakfast. It took the medics an hour to get her off the plane, during which time the other 100 odd passengers sat impatiently. Then they had to refuel the airplane in order to make it to our destination. But the airport did not have enough fuel for a large plane, nor did they have any staff capable of fuelling this type of aircraft. So they had to fly in fuel and staffers from God-knows-where, causing another hour and a half delay. All in all, the 3-hour flight took a little more than 7 hours, during which time I received a total of zero (0) in-flight meals. This is just one of many examples that I could bring up wherein diabetics come along and ruin my day.
Quote of the Moment: Turns out there's someone out there who has a blacker heart than I do. A few rows down from me, as the medics were working against the clock to save an elderly diabetic woman's life, random passenger says: "For this kind of inconvenience, she'd better be dying."- Yeah, wouldn't it be awful if you missed your business meeting and then it turned out that the woman pulled through? Good one, Adolf!
Finally 'twas my birthday this Christmas day (as it has been for all those years since I was born) and when all the orchestrated frenzy at 12am was over, I wished my friend "Merry X'Mas" He turned around and asked - "Do you only wish Merry X'Mas to folks who wish you B'day?"
I realized all these years, I've never wished anyone a Merry X'Mas proactively; I'd always wish them in return to my B'day wish... A selfish goose indeed!!
So here goes, for all of ya internet nerds who have nothing else to do, but turn into my random dose of ramblings, here's wishing a merry x'mas and a happy new year '09!!
Have a Good One!
Current Music: "Picture" by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow. On repeat, no less. Neighbours think I'm really weird. But I don't care. That's how good this song is!
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