Err. Whats that on your back?

aloque | 23/06/2004, 22:33 hrs

Freddie Mercury, in a drug induced delirium once hit upon the truth when he said the thing about fat bottomed girls. Easy for him to say, he was gay.

There are definitely more fat bottomed gals and guys out there than skinny ones. But, it makes sense that we love the skinny ones more, given the state of denial we have made our permanent companion. We got a fat ass, so must mean that the skinny one is better. The human condition could probably be summed up best by the grass is greener on the other side maxim.

Ever since the first woman was born and made man aware of curves, he has been aiming to increase the size of his own skinny behind.

Every major discovery we have made since has has a direct effect on the human ass.

Fire - sit and warm your behind.

The wheel - move while you sit on your behind. A noble idea further perfected by Ford, vehicles of all shapes and sizes which have been made increasingly complex over the last century but they share one thing in common which brings us to the next big butt idea.

Seats. Easily the single biggest contributor towards cellulite in the history of mankind. All other big butt activities rely on the amazingly versatile seat to propagte their own variety of fat. Long live Layzee Boy.

Bet Copernicus thought " if the world was round would it be physically impossible to retain the sitting posture. ergo world is flat"

Newton - saw the apple coming but was sitting on his butt so he let it fall on his head. makes me think if his theories on gravity were due to the apple falling towards the ground or his fat posterior refusing to lift off it.

Graham bell - wanted only to talk to his assistant without having to walk up a flight of stairs (also addressed by the escalator, elevator etc) but stumbled on the telephone. We would, everyone of us, be a few kgs lighter if it weren't for the infernal telephone.

I could go on about radio and tv, the computer and internet, but I think the idea is firmly entrenched in your minds now that the fat butt is here to stay. The only way to get rid of it is to lose all the above mentioned luxuries.(proved in fact by castaway, wherein Tom Hanks becomes a neandethral no-butt from a fed-ex fat ass in just a couple of years).

All I am concerned about is that I can get up to get my next chicken leg from the microwave once I finish this post.

Big Butt ideas that deserve an honourable mention

1. Buffets

2. Buffets with service at table

3. with finger bowls at the end

4. Remote controls

5. Bed pans

6. The clan of jeeves

7. Big Macs

8. Le Big Macs In France

9. Bat man costumes

10. Silicon

If only we accepted our fate...we could watch TV in peace.

Just you wait Ms Crawford. The cellulite will get you. Right in the ass.

Current Mood: Irreverent
Current Music: none

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Responses to Err. Whats that on your back?

  1. My good man... u mentioned Freddie Mercury. I shall mention you in my blog!!

  2. hard not to mention him when i was talkin about fat bottomed girls, dude.
    Please mention my fat butt as well on your blog.

  3. "Le" Big movie. Long live John Travolta and Quentin Tarantino.

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