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First time

Kratos | 20 May 2009, 11:48am

I consider myself a good guy…I care about people’s feelings and I try not to hurt anyone deliberately. I have never taken advantage of people’s weak moments… except maybe once. 

Her name was Tanvi – happiness, laughter, shopping at Lifestyle and Sharukh Khan Movies was what she was all about. We met the very first day in college (March, 2004) as lab partners and became the best of friends . But our friendship was tested one summer evening. It all started with Tanvi telling me that she had been dumped by her boyfriend.

I always believed that long distance relationships are hard to maintain, so I wasn’t very surprised when Tanvi told me about the end of hers. Classes had finished for the day and we met in the canteen like usual. The evening was great, it was raining steadily and the air was slightly chilly. The setting summer sun spread its red hue over the horizon. I could tell she had been crying and I also knew the reason. I had expected this for many days now.

She told me about the conversation that ended it all. Her boyfriend had said some harsh things to her and I could see that she was crushed. I offered her a ride home but she didn’t want to go home yet. She didn’t want her family to see her like this. She asked me to take her to a nearby lake where we usually hung out with a bunch of friends.

She was mostly quiet during the car ride to the lake, just an occasional sigh. Her eyes were red and watery. I knew I wasn't good at consoling people, so I kept my mouth shut. 

I parked under a tree with a view of the lake right in front of us. The rain still persisted, but the light was failing. We stared at the lake silently until it was too dark to see ahead. All we could see now were tiny specks of light on the opposite bank. I didn’t know what lay on the other side, probably a small village.

“See those lights? It’s beautiful isn’t it?”, I said breaking the silence.

“Do you think I am pretty?” she asked. Totally unexpected.

“That’s a stupid question Tinnu. You’re very beautiful and you know it; Abhishek knows it too.” I said, starting to get angry at the moronic boyfriend.

“He said it’s not worth continuing the relationship anymore since we have been fighting all the time”, her eyes were closed as she said this.

“He’s just angry so he’s saying mean stuff. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.”

“But he said ‘It’s not worth it’. If I were beautiful maybe it would’ve been worth it”, she started to cry again.

I could see that Abhishek, the damned fool, had crushed her confidence completely. When I said she was beautiful, I was by no means lying. She was the prettiest girl in class and she had a very good personality to go with it. I cursed Abhishek for his stupidity.

Tanvi took her safety belt off and turned on her seat till she was facing me directly. I could only partially see her face in the dark.

“That’s all you pigs care about don’t you? How the girl looks. If you find a better looking girl, you dump the old one” Her eyes were narrowed in anger.

“That’s unfair Tinnu. I am not like that and you know it. I am pretty sure Abhishek didn’t break up with you because of another girl. He just messed up. If he knows what’s good for him, he will apologize and come back to you.”

“I don’t want that asshole back!” she shouted.

Suddenly her expression changed “I am sorry. You’re trying to help me and I am screaming at you” I could see she was in pain. I immediately felt a wave of compassion towards her. I snapped my seatbelt off and faced her, taking her hands in mine.

“Abhishek is a moron for not seeing you as you are. He was lucky to have you in his life till now. I guess his luck just ran out.”

She stared at me for a few seconds and suddenly, just like that, we shared the first kiss of our lives. We were both surprised at first and the kiss went on for only a couple of seconds. We stared at each other for a few more seconds and then kissed again for the second time. This time it was longer than before. We didn't stop there.

We didn’t speak of that night ever again. Abhishek had apologized to Tanvi the next day as I had predicted and they got back together immediately. Surprisingly, everything was completely back to normal.

In retrospect, I knew that she would kiss me that night even before I said the words that made her do it. I knew she had lost her confidence, I knew she was vulnerable and I knew what effect the words would have on her. I also knew Abhishek would get back to her eventually. Why did I do it then?

Maybe I am evil…driven by my lust even though I had no feelings for her except just friendship.

Maybe I am good…I knew she needed to feel desired at that particular moment and I gave it to her.  

Maybe both, I don’t know. It’s hazy now.

Tanvi is here in the US now and so is Abhishek. I met them recently in Chicago and they looked happy together. As I was saying my goodbyes, a momentary glance shared between me and Tanvi was all that remained as proof of that night. I don’t know if I will ever see her again. 

~Kratos 

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Comments

  1. 1. good
    By ash  |  21 May 2009, 7:10am

    good one..

    http://ashfaqblogs.blogspot.com


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