aloque

Why...

I started off blogging without really knowing what it was about. I let it take me where ever it did without question, blindly following. I don't know when the offspring took control of the creator, but it surely did. It consumed more of my day than anything else, and my thoughts were occupied with the next post. It took one of my favourite people out here to go private to make me question my own motives, and I hit upon the truth I had been trying to avoid. I enjoyed the attention I was getting. I liked being up there in the top. I was writing for popularity. I remember a time when all I wrote was in a few different diaries that I kept misplacing, and upon eventually finding them again in a burst of reorganisation, laughed at myself, or marvel at how different I was when I wrote it. I remember writing for myself, not for an audience. The words didn't have to be perfect. I didn't have to rhyme. I didn't have to try to be, but just had to be.

I guess the next thing to ask is why I continue writing here instead of going back to a diary. I have met a few people here that I have a great deal of respect for, and I do want them to read me, do want to hear their views, want them to disagree, make me think in ways that I could not when alone. Another reason is that I have felt like I belonged here, and that is a lot more than I can say for a lot of places. I want to do this on my terms and for the right reasons.