3rd July, 2004

aloque | 03/07/2004, 19:23 hrs

Some days are just cruel. Of all the choices life gave me, there are very few that I have made for myself. Consciously or unconsciously, there have always been other considerations that went into the final decision. Parents, friends, even strangers have influenced me to make the choices that I have. Somehow that is the way the world is. It fools you into a false sense of security, a state wherein you believe that you are in control, but it always shows you that there is something more than yourself to consider.

But the human spirit is enduring to say the very least. I would rather be in denial than to admit that I am being controlled. I would rather believe that every thought that originates from within me is original, and not just a repetition of history.

Days like these make me question whether life is worth the endless race that it has become. When all that is supposedly sacred has no value, when my life has taken an irreversible turn that, suddenly, after lulling me into a steady state, turns into a dead end, I question myself, is there a living that is entirely mine? Can I indeed be happy with the compromises I make to make my life easier? Am I not better off alone than to simply remain neutral to the hole that is being ripped into my belief in humanity? Why am I such a coward? Isn't being silent in the presence of evil the same as compliance?

Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: none

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