Eating right

aloque | 04/07/2004, 15:36 hrs

I had a professor once who said "we eat to live and sometimes we live to eat". It was funny when he said it because he looked like a malnutritioned scare-crow. But it is so true. At least in my case. I definitely live to eat.

And eating right is an important thing. No idiot, i do not mean chewing on salads like a sorry goat but eating food you like in the manner you like it. That is the important thing. Another important thing that might equal the preceding important thing in importance is the satisfaction factor that the particular meal induces in you. Man has a short memory for meals because he simply has so many, and the last part of the last meal is scientifically proven to be the one that is remebered for the longest time. Therefore an adequte meal is to be ended on a note that is worthy of remembrance.

 I call that the 'Royal bite'. The criteria for an effective royal bite are

 1) The tastiest morsel of food is to be saved for the last bite.(for eg: the largest chicken piece in the chicken curry or the part of the burger that has the highest meat/mayo proportion)

2) The size of the last bite should be at least two times the size of a regular bite.

3) It should render you incapable of speaking for at least 15 seconds.

The satisfaction factor is further intensified by what is called the 'Wash down'.

Drinks accompanying meals are to be had in three instalments, each serving a different purpose and each indispensible to the final satiety rating fo the meal.

The first instalment - the thirst quencher - is to make you ready to enjoy the meal with a tongue whose taste buds, now moist, can conduct electrical impulses to the brain at a faster rate, thus intensifying the experience of the first few mouthfuls.

second instalment - the sips of rejuvenation - actually a series of mini instalments that serve one purpose, and therefore can be considered as one. They wash off the food particles from the taste buds making them ready to receive some more stimulation. That explains why the same food tastes different before and after a sip of liquid.

third instalment - the wash down - Is a purely psychological phenomenon that makes the satiety meter go bonkers. It is to follow the royal bite with a huge gulp of liquid (after secretly rinsing particles of food stuck in the far recesses of the mouth) and feel it go down your throat and let out a huge sigh as you feel the senses dulling and you start to dread the drive back home from the restaurant.

After having practised these fine principles for many years and having many satisfying, immediate slumber inducing meals that make even the dying arteries in my body cry for more, I have come across a group of people I have affectionaly termed 'the food imbeciles'.  These people will ignore every principle of satisfaction there is and also a few principles of social boundaries and personal space. That, in some people's broad minded worlds may be a forgivable offense. But, then they go on and pick at the food in my plate, selectively choosing the morsel I had been saving for the royal bite for the last ten minutes, I can only damn them into an existence wherein they will suffer from excessive flatulence and never belch a satisfied belch again.

 The sight of a royal bite disappearing before its time induces a sadness in me that I can only describe as profound and it is something that I can never be desensitized to. Then the imbecile will reach for the drink and glug a little too much so that there is not enough left for an effective wash down. The only thing that will keep me from bursting into a river of tears is the shock that such mind boggling stupidity exists in our midst.



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Responses to Eating right


  1. Someone who appreciates food and eating!! Now I know I can never go wrong with you. Absolute agreement to everything you've written in there and then also a ^:)^


  2. lol.


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