all about me, of course!
Emancipation
allsmiles | 12 July, 2004 02:56
Women have a raw deal dont they? Right from the time Eve consumed the forbidden fruit ...
Over the last few decades, women have strived to come out, made their lives better. They have fought their battles, sometimes they won sometimes they havent.
To me, the essence of emancipation lies in being able to make a choice or a decision. To have the freedom to do what she pleases with her life. Education is probably her first step in knowing the options, and trying to make her more independent. She is empowered with knowledge and also with a sense of independence, can secure a job and support herself.
I am limiting the discussion only to the Indian context. A girl graduates and what is the immediate concern of her parents? One word - marriage. They have been saving every penny so that they can get her a good qualified, well-to-do groom. If she has younger sisters she should marry in a hurry so that the sisters line is clear! Now all educated people know dowry is against the law. The only reason where dowry can be justified is the couple being newly married might need some additional cash to settle down. But no, wedding ceremonies are all a big farce where the emphasis (more often than not)is on ostentation. And the brides parents are to bear the lions share of all the expenses involved. Why, because the grooms parents have spent a penny too many on their sons education or on their daughters' marriages. As if the govt provided free life long education to all women. huh!
Ok lets assume marriage is done happily no major dowry hassles and stuff. The educated middle class girl wants to work too. Sometimes in-laws object. Sometimes they dont. When they dont, they crib about the girl neglecting family etc. Lets keep the saas-bahu warfare out for a while and just concentrate on the girl. Let me illustrate the case with two examples
Case Study 1:- Girl from middle class family. Good at acads. Does her post graduation from reputed institute. Secures job. Is commended by her boss for her acumen and leadership skills. Sends her abroad. Girl gets promotion and lands in a nice position. Father thinks its high time she got married. Finds her nice groom. They get married. Groom works in city A. Bride works in City B. Father tries to help.. tells groom to see how long it will work? Groom doesnt listen. Bride wants to work but lands in City A cutting veggies and making rotis so that Groom is very happy. Who cares how happy she is?
Case Study 2:- Girl again from a middle class family. Girl does professional course. Girl is encouraged by parents. Girl gets married. Girl makes it through post-graduation exam with good score. In-laws not willing to help finance. Ok parents sponsor further education. Girl has a child. Husband has a business in his hometown. Waits to wind it up so that both can move to the city. Girl wants to work in city. Husband cant wind up business immediately. She gets herself a job in the city but stays neither with her child or her husband. How happy can she be?
These are only two isolated cases. What is more disturbing is the incidence of such cases in educated classes. It could be far more prevalent in the uneducated lot! And laws in India do not address many core issues. Like single motherhood, domestic violence, abuse, harassment. Even if such crimes are committed they never come out in the open for fear of disrepute! I know a lady who has fought for the custody of her child for 10 long years and all she gets in the end is some piddly Rs 3500/ a month till the child is 14. After that another case!
There is another more pragamatic angle to this emancipation deal. Lets assume husband being in the driving seat and wife sitting beside happily. Over a period of time husband gets edgy and time and again gets used to stopping the car and uncerimoniously dumping her and taking off. Never showing his face back. The lady tries to remedy the situation and stands up, goes and get herself a car learns driving and manging her own affairs. Now assume husband driving his own car and wife driving her own and they take off onto the journey called life. The biggest casuality would most certainly be "Communication". After all everything comes with a price!
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1[No Subject]
The Rainmaker | 14/07/2004, 20:59
the lack of communication part - Profound!!!
the City A vs City B problem can be side-stepped if the bride and groom are from the same city. maybe if all such problematic aspects are considered by both parties Before marriage, they can lead a happy life together.
[No Subject]
U'll guess it right! | 23/07/2004, 20:00
True!!! Indian Women.. we work equally with men at the workplace, and above that handle the domestic front.. , but still are not being valued. Instead are blamed for every damn wrong happening in the house..
In this respect atleast i think indian men will never change..
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[No Subject]
JLU | 12/07/2004, 21:10
Nice that you raised this issue. You rightly said that freedom is about making choices, and education is the first step towards attaining it. Having taken this first step, I wonder as to why the ladies in your case studies failed to apply what they learnt. Why did they cringe before their parents, in-laws & spouse?
We are talking of empowered women here who could very well have asked their parents / in-laws / spouse to take a walk.... But no! An Indian lady is not suppposed to do that! Says who? The Indian lady herself!
Marriage is not an end by itself, and if the Indian lady is conditioned to believe otherwise, despite her education... then she either doesn't believe what she learnt in her schools / colleges, or there aren't enough role models ('case studies', if I may) around to reinforce her belief in emancipation.