Hello folks. I logon to FH tonight with a burden to shrug off ma shoulders. I'm done with this secret I've been holding back from you guys.

I'm a superhero.

Yeah,yeah, laugh all you want. I pity you, all of you who think you know me. For, if you can't see a friend's true identity how will you ever recognise the enemy around us? I have decided to come out with this truth because I've commited a mistake. More on that later.
Lets take a brief flashback.

For those who came in late:

I,Payne, known as D.Raw El Payne to the outside world was born with superhuman powers. One of my umpteen powers was the capability to eat anything, I mean anything. For those who've watched SouthPark, I'm on the lines of Crazy Kenny, the guy who eats anything for the sake of money. But I don't do it for the sake of money, do not misconstrue my existence. I eat because I'm saving the world everytime I eat what I'm eating, if it wasn't for me we would not have the Multi-Cuisine restaurants we have, the Chinese wouldn't be eating weird circular things, the Italians wouldn't be eating that weird circular shit, the Mexicans wouldn't be eating weird circular crap floating in sauce, the North-Indians wouldn't be hoggin on the weird circular fried objects they have everyday, the southies wouldn't be gulping down weird circular thin layers of batter.......my point? Without me the world would be a shitload short of a lot of circularly shaped food, heck,any other shape for that matter.I realised I had this power somewhere along the line in my schooling days, when I used to ,like every other superhero, attend school everyday by auto. My canteen in the school was located in the basement, right above the canteen, (on the ground floor n every floor upwards), were the toilets. These said toilets had horrible plumbing problems, due to which they used to well,leak, leak pee. Onto the pillars of the canteen. The place used to stink, stink like crazy. But me being who I am ,ate, ate like crazy.

Thus started the life of Payne. I'm not your everday superhero. I see myself more like Superman. While all the other superheroes have costumes into which they change to turn into "____man/woman", Superman's costume IS Clark Kent (edit:too much of a spiderman hangover), his normal appearance is his Superman avatar. Just like Superman, I have a "P" etched on my chest (you gotta peer real close, its there, buried under all the hair). People in the past have mistook this to stand for "P-Man". All you stupid mofos think every goddam superhero has to have a fukkin suffix after his name! I mean haven't you guys seen Daredevil...Spawn...Dracula...?! Sheesh. I'm Payne. You have no idea how it is to go through school being called Pee-Man. Ah well, I accept it.

As time passed, the Payne acquired his complete repertoire of powers. Some of these include, "the chameleon effect,a.k.a, the invisibility power" - where he steps into any arbit group and merges perfectly; "the spammer power" - the ability to write/comment on any goddam thing,anywhere, its an extension of the chameleon effect; "the super-burper" - a finely honed talent, the Payne is now capable of burping at more than 10 burps/second; the "bummer" - the ability to completely n utterly lose interest smack in between something; I do not have the patience to explain the rest.

Now, we come to the present. To justify the title of this post. My single greatest power has proved to be my undoing. In yet another battle between the forces of Good and Evil, Evil is triumphing as of now. My arch-rival, Loose-crapman, has emerged again. I used my power to do the wrong things. Thinking that I was doing mankind a favor, I consumed the last two puffs in my college canteen. I'm now indisposed. Payne is down for a while, not out. Payne, like any other mortal, needs medicines too. He is high on a dose of Furoxone right now (ugh). Its a constant uphill battle this, (I say this only because my loo is situated a higher level than my room), a constant struggle between my will to use my powers judiciously and the temptation to misuse these superpowers. The temptation took over this time, Loose-crapman is winning. Let us see if the Pee-Man emerges unscathed from this. Only time will tell.

Payne

 

Afterthought : Point being. I have loosies. damn.



Current Mood: Heroic
Current Music: Nickelback - Hero