There comes a time in every blogger's life when he/she talks about love/relationships right from their schooling days and all that shit. Baap did it(funnily too), look where it got him, right on the front-fucking-page ,thats where. I've already written 'bout it twice, but I think something more descriptive then "Mad-Eye Moody" and definitely less psychotic than "Evanescent Emotions" is in order.
In the past few weeks, I've been thinkin/ponderin/scratchin-my-head a LOT about all that kinda crap. I've realised something 'bout me and my life but I haven't found ways(yet) to shut that goddam window in my mind letting in all these thoughts. Lemme atleast put it down on paper, before they are swept away by the winds of time.
Stephen King in "The Dark Half" says that everyone is born at the same time (when they come outta our momma's womb) but they wake up at a certain time in their life. From then on, they see things, they perceive, they understand, they feel life as it is. And blah blah. Wat I'm tryin to say is that I may not remember much about my life in schooling n all:P.

Chalo,flashback time.

Junior School : Started off in a small tution thingy in a village somewhere in A.P. Dun remember much 'cept for the toilets. Shifted to Sec'bad, did UKG,1st,2nd n 3rd grades from one school. All I recall is bein' linked to a fat fugly female-like creature and also being a good ole bully around class. That was some fucked-up shit.

Shifted to another school for 4th,5th,6th,8th n 9th grades. Some awesome trivia. When I joined girls n boys used to sit in the same classroom, six months later they(the girls) are shifted to another section. Used to go by the infamous "school-auto" way, totally was head-over-heels over this Nasr chic in our auto. The fact that we had to sit totally cramped in such a small atmosphere didn't help matter eithers. Man, the sexual tension in that dinky auto was palpable..or sumthing like it :-S. By 5th grade we had 2 sections for girls, and by 6th grade we had a different building for 'em. What I'm saying is, I was in a bloody boys' school for all practical purposes. "Co-ed" my ass! Heck, I had fun all the same. Somewhere in 8th I started goin' by d bus, had my FIRST encounter with something akin to a female there...whew 4 goddam years man! Actually conversed with her and bragged to the fellow chic-starved losers in my class on how I went and SPOKE to a girl, as opposed to say, ogling at one.

In between, for 7th grade , I was deported to this small expatriate school-like thingy in south-east asia...:-D Total hotchics man, was stumped (remember this was before the aforementioned first-interaction with the species). I mean we're talking blondes and brunettes here, from Canada and South Africa...damn. Had a chotu crush on said blonde, nothing serious. All I remember is the time when the girls were skipping-rope n all, and we lecherous dudes leered..leered n some more..while hiding behind a wall. Hmm...too much info.

That was that, shifted to yet another school for the final year of schooling. Man, this place had some village-chics or waat! Utter ooru-candidates. Me being me, immediately developed a crush-thingy on dis chic...somewhat non-ooru she was. This was the time when I was going through the phase of having my password as the name of d chic who I had a thing for there. No interaction yet..jus dipshit crushes.

Onto Inter then. Stepped into my first class ,within the first 15 mins was totally in conversation with this chic ,while at the same time oogling at the female beside her. I mean, TOTAL OVERLOAD man! My password immediately changed. ANYway, that moment right then n there was the beginning of chaos. I moved on from being an outside spectator to this whole chic-world and began "interacting"(to put it nerdily) or "interfacing"(to put it super-nerdily). The lines between Inter and engineering have properly blurred...if anything life's got much more confusing.

I say "chaos" only 'cuz of the fucked-up frequency of my look-jawdrops-talk-flirtaway-talkashitloadmore-shutthedoor routine. You see the fallacy in that routine? I see a gaping flaw. There's no "tell her you're fucked up and you've pulled the cord" bit. Heck, there's a bigger problem, there's no "tell myself that its over" bit. There in lies the meaning of this post's title. These past 3 years have been a fucking confusion only 'coz of this small stupid mistake. Its like I check into so many hotels but never actually check out. I mean, here I am after 3 years with a shitload of backlogs in crushes! :-S Got me "hazaar bulbed" put it IIT-style... From the first day of college to the first day of final year, there hasn't been a single sem when I haven't fallen "head-over-heels" with the next girl. Its like Fifty First dates only worse...damn...In transit? You bet!

As I so neurotically put it in "Evanescent..." ,this phenomenon extends to so many other things in life. But me thinks this bloggin thingy is gonna stay...atleast for a while. 'Tis bin great to jus sit here n type out all d thoughts flowing out...I typed out all the stuff jus in case I end up visiting this place here ,say, five years down the line. Its always nice to be nostalgic..:P I just found this .txt file on my harddisk which is some 3 years old and written right after I entered engineering. Man, have I changed, that was some fucked-up shit I wrote down back then.

Payne, over n out.

Current Mood: Relieved
Current Music: Lifehouse - Everything