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I, Moron.

Neurotron | 23 July 2004, 12:48pm

I, am a Moron.

As everybody must have felt like at some point. But my life is a series of oh-no-seconds – defined as that fraction of time in which you realize you have made an absolute blunder. And mine aren’t your everyday garden variety blunders. Mine assume traumatic, life-altering proportions. Unforgettable. The type people recount again and again, at most inopportune moments. Making them super-morons in my book.

And, of course, a large proportion of these are alcohol-fuelled. And coupled with my lamentable propensity for being garrulous (as must be obvious by now), we arrive at Blunder Central. Thus, me being a moron largely involves me saying things I probably should not have, to the wrongest of people. But this dates back to pre-alcoholism times, starting from when I used to make my affections for a certain girl painfully obvious. And she would just have to be the coolest girl, who hung out with all the cool people, who would all have a good laugh at I, Moron. Or she would just have to be the girl who was ‘going around’ with the coolest hosteller, who in true Ajay Devgan style would have all his cronies supporting the whole affair and ready to beat up anyone who dared intrude. Guess who? Like I said – traumatic, life-altering.

One thinks one has grown up, up and away from being a moron. But being a homozygous recessive (look it up) Moron mutant cannot be shaken off that easy. CBSE 90 odd percent done with, you’d think moving into junior college might help matters. They have coloured clothing, for God’s sake! Plus, nobody knows the inherent I, Moron. But no. I just had to make sure people knew. As people I play snooker with might know, I am the unluckiest creature you’d have ever seen. Somehow, speaking English and not knowing the vital stats of the latest Telugu thunder-thighs heroine made me an outcast. Consequently a moron. Whatever, man.

College. Ah! At last, a place where you are expected to be a moron. I should fit right in here! It would be a tad difficult to fit in three years of being a Supreme Moron (that’s like a black belt IInd degree) into a few lines. Each one would deserve an individual post. Like the time I kept someone waiting for two hours for a date, to arrive and find them still there. Like the time I borrowed a bike to go meet someone (of course, I was already late. Plus, I think it was her birthday. Or was it mine?), had my first (and last) accident, and thought it would be better to not tell my friend about his bike. He found out, obviously, and immediately consoled and forgave me. I doubt I have ever felt smaller in my entire life. Like the time I thought it might be better to not write this exam because I wasn’t prepared enough, and just sat outside, alone in the whole campus, watching my friends write it. Like the time I thought I should sulk, so she would feel bad, and we would make up and then that would be wonderful. Like the time I thought it would be a good idea to say goodbye. Only for a little while, I thought.

I, Ultimate Moron.

But one does learn to fight what is inborn. One learns to shut up. I have, the hard way. It’s like in the movie 'Unbreakable' – there are cool people, then there are just people, and then there’s me. I’m so far on the opposite end of this spectrum, I’m probably on a whole new spectrum. But hey, I’m not complaining. In a world of ones and twos, I’m a zero. At least that makes me different, right? Different is good. I like different. I’m not one of the herd, never will be. I’m the moron that strays away every time. So maybe I get killed first. Or maybe I stray far enough to find a whole new pasture! With hot chicks.

Blunder is for today, Moron is forever.

I, Moron!

Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: Nothing compares to you - Sinead O Connor

Posted in General | Next | Previous | Comments (3) | Trackbacks (0)


  1. 1. By patch  |  23 Jul 2004, 1:48pm

    congratulations are in order, i think. isn't it amazing, that moment when you realize that you will be a blundering idiot forever? that it is your calling... ~sigh. a kodak moment.

  2. 2. By aloque  |  23 Jul 2004, 7:07pm

    ah! the errant, deviant neurons have a name.

  3. 3. By malakpetmasala  |  6 Aug 2004, 10:27am


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