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Just when you think Life is good

Neurotron | 30 July 2004, 11:50am

…she will pick you up by the short and curlies, bend you over, smack you hard, and tell you politely how your soul may belong to God but your sorry ass belongs to her. And to shut the fuck up, and smile like you’re enjoying the ride.

Everybody’s born with a hot poker up the ass. And different tolerance levels to pain. That’s why some people seem happier than others. It’s just that Life hasn’t yet noticed that the poker cooled down. Don’t worry sweetheart, Life’s just lookin’ for her most powerful blowtorch. Just. For.You. Now, don’t that make ya feel extra special?

I, of course, have one of those special pokers. The self-igniting one. Once it falls below a certain temperature, it sort of wakes up and goes “Uh oh, looks like it’s that damned Happiness fungus again. Can’t have that now, can we?”. And the ignition sequence begins – 5...4...3...brrm brrrrmm brrrrmmmmm! Chug chug chug chug... And at about the same time, I can see the Shit Cascade happening around me. Things suddenly start going wrong. And there won’t be much I can do about it. So I have learnt to just cringe and bear it. And, oh, I must remember to smile through it all – mustn’t piss Life off anymore. Remember the last line of the first paragraph?

If only Life looked like Elizabeth Hurley in Bedazzled. That, I could reconcile myself to. The avatar she picks for me, however, is more like a particularly vicious female Ork. There are some, like my Grinny friend, for whom Life right now is like a bikini model factory. Oh well. Maybe she’s just setting him up for a Big Blowtorch. She, too, moves in mysterious ways you know.

But she has her sweet moments, Life. She can be real nice sometimes. She will sometimes come round for tea and crumpets and a chat, she will sometimes show you pretty things, like the bikini model factory; she might even put some ice on the poker, if you’ve been particularly good this year (Santa pings her). But, apparently, she draws the line at pulling the poker out. No can do, mate, she says. Yeah, don’t bother – I asked.

So yesterday, my special poker woke up. And initiated the sequence. But it will take some time to heat up, what with the cold and all. It will reach maximum temperature in about 2 months, when my world is due to do a 180 degree. Oh well, guess it’s time to go back to the trough of Life’s sine curve. Like the kiddie T-Shirt said : who needs milk and cookies? Give me titties and beer!

Damn, if only Life’s peaks were a little better!
Damn you, Arun Nayar!

Current Mood: Destructive
Current Music: Rob Zombie - Dragula (HOT ROD Herman Remix)

Posted in General | Next | Previous | Comments (5) | Trackbacks (0)


  1. 1. By drp  |  30 Jul 2004, 12:50pm

    nuvvu nee matrix soundtracks...:P
    funny-like-weirdish post it is muh maan...

  2. 2. By Neurotron  |  30 Jul 2004, 2:16pm

    ~patch: thank you. That's what Saturday nights are for... :-)

  3. 3. By Neurotron  |  30 Jul 2004, 2:18pm

    ~drp: heh heh. The idea was the 'hot rod' part of the song title re...

  4. 4. By drp  |  30 Jul 2004, 8:34pm

    liar liar...all of you..liars..
    its supposed to be CURRENT Music...prevaricating dipshits!!
    puttin in music relevant to the post...chi chi..thoo thoo..

  5. 5. By Grinny  |  31 Jul 2004, 4:21am

    firstly, notice the time I am posting this and please do not think I have nothing better to do, even though I might not.
    BTW, I do know of a good proctologist. No one should go around with a stiff structure up their outholes, especially you man. And if the shit cascade gets worse, there is always Grinny's serious face to give you perspective. NOT.

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