Fact of Life

Jasz "The Spammer" A | 2 Mar 2005, 9:16pm

It's your attitude,

not your aptitude, which determines

your altitude in life.

Current Mood: Preachy
Current Music: Theme song of Kareena on Zee TV


Complete Unedited Movie Review

Jasz "The Spammer" A | 27 Feb 2005, 9:44pm

My movie review has been posted on Fullhyd.com

Here's the complete unedited version.


Current Mood: Triumphant
Current Music: blah


My Hot Neighbour

Jasz "The Spammer" A | 20 Feb 2005, 5:24am

Observation 1 : Her balcony's too far away from mine to be able to jump into and back when she's not at home.

Proof 1 : I tried throwing a cigarette butt in.......shorted it by abt a foot.

Observation 2 : She's not married.

Proof 2 : I'm constantly looking at her clothesline and I've never seen guys clothes.

Observation 3 : She's single.

Proof 3 : She spends a lot of time in front of the TV and in the balcony.

Observation 4 : She works a graveyard shift.

Proof 4 : From observation 2 it is obvious that she has to be working. a) She's always at home during the day time.

b) There are no lights on after 9 pm.

Combining a and b we come to Observation 4

Observation 5 : She's lonely.

Proof 5 : (and I'm not lying about this) I saw her touching herself. Although the view wasnt very clear, the fact that she forgot to close her balcony door helped me. Although I didnt see anything that she'll be embarassed about, I did see her rubbing her thighs.





Current Mood: Religious
Current Music: Fight Club Theme


My Dream Movie

Jasz "The Spammer" A | 18 Feb 2005, 7:47am

My Dream Movie

                                     By Jaszalcatraz

Since my favourite movie is Pulp Fiction and my four current fav directors are Q Tarantino, PT Anderson,D Fincher and D Aronofsky, my dream movie'd be Pulp Fiction directed by all afore mentioned four directors. Not together though. Each one directing his own segment.


The movie starts of with the prologue:

The scene with Honey Buny and "Ringo" then the scene with Vincent and Jules heading out to kill Brad and gang.

This part should be the one with QT directing. It is mainly this segment with all the great Tarantino-speak. This is the scene where long lingering shots and auteur angles take centre-stage - perfect for QT


Mia and Vincent: Although the first scene might need a little help from QT, the rest of the scene is perfect for Darren Aronofsky. Especially the snorting parts ;)  Darren Aronofsky with his wooshing background score and trippy violins can jazz up the pre-Mia Vincent sequence. His build-ups can create a heartstopping moment at the scene where Mia jumps up with a start after the adrenaline shot. Also the last parting dialogues can be much more effective with his ability to create void feeling in the bottom of the heart.

Gold Watch:

This is tailor made for PT Anderson. He can make the Col.Koonz flashback so much more melodramatic that you can feel Butch's anger/frustration when Fabian forgets his watch. Also his treating of the relation between Fabian and Butch can perfectly explain to us the reason Butch forgives her so easily. And ofcourse, his sweeping camera work can help the scene where Bruce Willis walks to get his watch.

Jules, Vincent and Mr. Wolf

The scene where one man's actions can bring sweeping changes into the situation. The scene where a man in control of an army can flush the enemy. Sound familiar? Yeah Tyler Durden in Fight Club. So its obvious that David Fincher bring his style into the scene. So we can expect a better pre-cog visual of the Bonnie coming home sequence. And then Mr. Wolf's inspirational speech to get Vincent and Jules washing the car, can sound so much more like the Tyler Durden we know.


Another QT sequence. It's too stuck in my head for its perfection that no one can dare change it. None can beat QT and this is why he's God. Jules final flourish is perhaps the greatest change in character we can see on film moreso because of the short time it takes for him to becoming a god-fearing man.


And thats a wrap.

Thats the first time i've done something useful when stoned.


Current Mood: Heroic
Current Music: Silence - The movies over


Get a Life

Jasz "The Spammer" A | 30 Jan 2005, 3:36am
The all-time worst comment you hear online is the "Jeez!! Get a life".

DUnno why, but this one stings more than any other.

Current Mood: Crude
Current Music: Dream THeatre - Awake


We, the people

Jasz "The Spammer" A | 7 Jan 2005, 2:53pm
Alas another Director whose success went to his head. Although I do not think that Lagaan is a good movie, I'll admit that it must've been special. Or too many people get conned easily.
Gowariker's second movie is a must see for all the fans of the Success-made-em-lose-focus group of directors. These guys make movies that help movie goers......the flaws are so obvious that anybody can pick them out. This is probably because of the fact that these guys suddenly take themselves so seriously that scenes with simple emotions become 3 minute montages with intricate soundscapes and heavy dialogue.
Swades will not be liked for what it is.....it'll be liked for what it could have been. It could have been another Oscar worthy Indian entry (no Indian movie in the next 10 years will win an Oscar. Period.) ShahRukh for once is believable as an actor and Gayatri Joshi's screen presence is simply stunning.
Let me brief ya.....SRK comes home to take his aunt, his heart suddenly changes and decides to spend the rest of his life here. The start and ending are alrite. Its the middle part thats fucked up.
SRK's strong beliefs and goals simply do a 180 flip. The incidents that run up to this could have been so much more powerful. At this point of the film, AG had the audience eating out of his hand and he goes and metamorphosises the character so badly that you start feeling cheated outta your tears.
Yes people!! At this point I was ready to cry my eyes out for the condition of people in our country but AG is so flat that you wish you could punch his nose and bring him down from the clouds. SRK's performance at this point was commendable....it should get his street-rep high again.
AG tried to get in a morale lifting sequence again, but the buildup was too short and artificial. At this point I was wishing AG had stuck to directing and borrowed stories with carefully done screenplays, atleast the dialogues wouldnt be so corny and full of contradictions. Although more Hollywood for its sensitivity and character chemistry than any recent flick, its nowhere near the point of making you geniunely feel strongly for the characters or storyline.

Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: Wrestling themes


My life changed. No.....not really

Jasz "The Spammer" A | 7 Jan 2005, 2:12pm
Sorry if the heading conned you into reading this.

First of all let me tell u all that the previous blog entry was from the book I'm currently reading...Marylin Manson's autobiography "The Long Hard Road to Hell". So Romu stop asking silly q's and try increasing ur Kill Skill.

In every Hindu Cultural event why do they refer to our city as Bhagyanagar? Are they ashamed that our city is named after a muslim??

Where was Oliver Stone trying to go with Alexander? Saw it twice but could'nt see his point. Both times I walked out of the theatre praising Stone but that was more outta respect for Natural Born Killers and Platoon. After a while though I felt cheated outta my time and money. I spent 35 bucks and 150 mins and had no feelings of sadness, disgust, insight, fuzziness or awe that a man like Oliver Stone usually generates. The same thing happened twice.

Silly movie geek interpretation coming up---
In Alexander I think the Eagle is supposed to signify the God Zeus (who Alexander calls the God of Sun, I dispute that but forgive). The Eagle flies outta the sun and keeps an eye on Alexander during battles, long hard journeys and death scenes. Also it is an Eagle that "takes away" Alexander's soul (ref. last scene). BTW Zeus is supposed to be Alexander's father.

Why are they making more alien movies with no original material?? "The Forgotten" sucks ass.

Why was "The Village" panned?? I thought the ending was cool.

Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: Wrestling Themes


The JaszMan is back!!!

Jasz "The Spammer" A | 5 Jan 2005, 12:14am
Among all things that can be complated under the concavity of the heavens, nothing is seen that arouses the human spirit more, that ravishes the senses more, that horrifies more, that provokes more terror or admiration than the monsters, prodigies and abominations through which we see the works of nature inverted, mutilated and truncated.
Pierre Boaistuau, Histoires Prodigieuses, 1561

That's true.

Current Mood: Evil
Current Music: Marilyn Manson


Jasz on Raghu Romeo

Jasz "The Spammer" A | 13 Jul 2004, 9:37am
I'm a kinda guy who'll never miss any movie that releases on the big screen. Its my inability to say "no" that made me watch Troy 4 times, Arya 4 times, Hyderabad Blues-2 Twice and Mirchi once. Although I never quite regret going to the movie for a repeat viewing, I carry with me a very heavy grudge against the guy who took me there. So the next time I tell ya that I cant go to the movie with you, it's probably not your fault, its the fault of the movie we went to last time.

**reading above paragraph, you also do that again**

**reading above para again and recommends you also to do it again**

As cliched as the above para was, you MIGHT have enjoyed the above para simply because it mentions movies you've seen or those are situations that you were in.
SIMILARLY, Raghu Romeo takes all the things that you've already seen, heard, read or even experienced, puts them in a large bag that u've already carried and expects you to pay for it. The beauty of the movie lies in the fact that you would be ready to pay again and again for movies like these.
The biggest thing that irritates me about these low-budget flicks is that it has atleast one or two lead actors who (for lack of a better phrase) take themselves too seriously. The absence of this kinda pretentiousness is the most striking thing about Raghu Romeo. especially Vijay Raaz whose role in Moonsoon Wedding will go down as the Best Wedding Organizer in Indian Cinema.
Like New-age director independent films, this one is a comedy too. But the humor isnt derived from jokes or physical comedy. The humor comes from the reality of the situations. The way the protagonist watches the TV without batting an eyelid. The way he asks for a loan. The way he reacts to a customer. While no "jokes" rate a "ROFL", most "jokes" rate a "lol".
**I cannot even begin to imagine the stupidity of that sentence**

To better understand the subtle difference between Bollywood films and Raghu Romeo, I'll describe a few scenes from the movie.

Scene 1:
Hero is enamoured by an actress. He follows her show or films religiously.

Bollywood Treatment: Hero looks at a picture of the heroine and breaks into a duet with her in Switzerland.

Raghu Romeo Treatment: Hero is shown gawking at a poster of the heroine for 2 minutes. He does this on the middle of the road and causes a traffic jam and is subject to many gaalis.

Scene 2:
Hero works in bar. Dance girl likes hero. Hero faces off against Don

Bollywood Treatment: Hero makes witty comments and avoids the attention he gets from the dancer. The hero bashes up the don w/henchmen. Hero pays for the damage from his salary.

Raghu Romeo Treatment: Hero is too shy to talk to any female let alone someone who makes passess at him. Hero get kicked around by the Don. Hero steals money from the counter to buy gift for actress.

Scene 3:
Villains kidnap actress.

Bollywood Treatment: Hero chases them for 30 mins and bashes them for 30 mins thus forming the second half of the film.

Raghu Romeo: Here comes the twist....Raghu himself kidnaps the heroine.

Scene 4:
Hero Feeds heroine

Bollywood Treatment: They look into each others eyes and sing songs in Switzerland.

Raghu Romeo Treatment: Hero describes in great detail the art of dipping a biscuit into tea. Too long and it'll break. Too short and it'll be too dry. Balance is the essence of life is the lesson learnt here. Thus the reason for her being kidnapped is vaguely understood.

This movie is so simple that it'll never win awards. It wont have crowds outside gates. The actors will not have new projects. The director will never be so originally unoriginal. The actors will never be so unreally real. This kinda talk also made me realize that there cannot be another movie as unique as Raghu Romeo.
Its a movie that wont give you anything to take back........not even moments that'll make you laugh afterwards......but for the 2 hours you are in the theatre.....you wont be thinking of anything else and more importantly you will be laughing. And that is why MOST people go to the movies. Or so they tell me.

Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: nope


Jasz writes a letter

Jasz "The Spammer" A | 8 Jul 2004, 6:50am
Dear Mr. Mod,

Firstly, I would like to clarify that I have absolutely no hard feelings against you for banning me and hope that my banning wasnt a result of some hard feelings that you had against me for making your sunday evenings a bit tougher. **wink, wink**

I wont deny saying all those horrible horrible things. I also wont repent for saying them. They came out just as I wanted them to. I wont protest the ban......it was somethng that I totally deserved. But it really irks me to see that BlackWizard and Johnny also got banned for things that I said. For them it was a night of fun that went awry (pronounced or-I) and they shouldnt have been banned. I do sincerely hope that you revoke their bans.

As for me I shall have to find others ways to sneak in. I've already sneaked in twice under other IDs but you crushed me like a cockroach. Contrary to what most people think, I wasnt sad to hear that I was banned. The very first thing I did was to try to get in through a proxy. Unfortunately my computer skills are very limited and I hope some of the readers will give me ideas to break in. As the day wore on numerous FH users laughed at me for being banned. (I hate you guys : Nutty, Azazel, PSD, Stingrae, Romu, Baap and BW himself). But with each scorn my resolve to get in on the action strengthened. I shall return....someday, somehow.

Many people asked me why I (henceforth called The Victim) had gone to such an extreme in dissing the sisters (henceforth called The Perpetrators).

For over a month now The Victim (thats me) watched as his beloved boards fell prey to spammers and homosexuals. Being the one with the biggest ego (and the biggest ass) The Victim could not bear seeing these n00bs surpassing his post count. Taking matters into his hands he challenged the spammers to numerous cursefests and won. Such cursefests got rid of spammers like Rocksomething and CrackedNut (or so he thought).

There were others spammers who couldnt be defeated in cursefests. He introduced them to the blogs and made them lose interest in spamming. This got rid of spammers like Stingrae and Baap. The last remaining people on his list were The Perpetrators. The Victim thus devised a plan to irritate them and make them hate the boards. The plan consisted of continuos mental torture over a period of 4 days. He even made a list of gaalis to be used on each day.

Alas!!! The plan backfired and The Victim was banned.

Now people will ask me why I hated The Perpetrators so much.

To that I ask you, why did my cusses irritate you? I'm pretty sure they irritated you for their extreme vulgar content and their total disrespect for other peoples feelings.

I hated The Perpetrators for similar reasons. Their pansy posts about "not parking in zones for pregnant women, hating dolls because they looked freaky, silly food combos" are IMHO a total disrespect of my feelings.

But will you ban them, dear Mod??? No. Probably because of my remark last sunday that Balakrishna was famous.

Current Mood: Vicious
Current Music: nope


Jasz is Banned

Jasz "The Spammer" A | 7 Jul 2004, 4:29pm
I have been banned from the FullHyd boards. I'm kinda proud since this adds to my credibility if being a total asshole

Current Mood: Triumphant
Current Music: nope


Jasz on Hyderabad Blues 2

Jasz "The Spammer" A | 7 Jul 2004, 9:49am
It was an offer that I couldnt refuse. My friend promised to get the tickets, pay for the popcorn, and buy me cigarettes if I saw Hyderabad Blues 2 again.

It was a big mistake. The movie was such a drag that Mirchi suddenly seemed a classic. Nagesh Kukanoor's sequel to his first movie is probably his worst yet. He hasnt improved one bit from his very first movie. The same amatuerish camera-work. The same crass comedy thats funny only because its in the Hyderabadi lingo. The same caricaturised look at orthodox parents. The only improvement was probably the acting and the junta in the theatre (house full).

Hyderabad Blues's charm was in the honesty and sincerity of Kukanoor's characters. The movies strength was in the realistic situations and conversations that the lead pair had. This movie sucks because this realism went out the window the moment the story gets interesting.

Let me explain. Varun (kukanoor) almost kisses an employee. (Keyword:almost). His wife gets to know and immediately asks him to leave. (Keyword:immediately). A few days later, after refusing to even see him, she asks for a Divorce. (Keyword:refusing).

Although she knows that he didn't lay a lip on his employee, she wants a divorce because she cant trust him anymore. That's understandable. When he finally convinces her to come back to him, she goes ahead with the divorce because his parents spew some orthodox shit about a womans suffering post-divorce being more than a mans. (Keyword:Unrealistic). Are we supposed to believe that she got a divorce because society says she cannot live alone and not because she was pissed at her husband??

The worst thing about HB1 were the sad camera angles. I'm dissapointed that after 4 movies Mr Kukanoor hasnt improved one bit. The product placement was a little too obvious.(keyword:Corporate Sellout)

The last thing I expected from Indie-films makers like Kukanoor was succumbing to Bollywood pressures and using one line introductions to a character. He also succumber to Hollywood pressure by taking a good thing and doubling it in the sequel. We had 2 dirty talking friends in HB1, we have 4 dirty talking friends in HB 2.

Then why are people raving about it so much?? Simple answer:


Whether you show it or you speak it, sex definetly sells. Hence you have long coversations about ravaging a hot-babe or declining sexual desires or the art of seduction. The defense will be that Nagesh (we're on first name terms now) touched "pertinent" issues. My answer is that Nagesh used it to draw more laughs. (keyword:used).

The first time I saw the movie I laughed. The second time I saw other people laugh. I was so quiet that my friend thought that I was sleeping.

(Damn these nature calls, I've lost the tempo of the above rant).

Nows the perfect time for me to plug Raghu Romeo. Truly entertaining flick. There are long monologues in the movie which are hellaciously funny without ever talking of sex. Believe it or not one scene has Raghu detailing the art of dipping a biscuit in tea which was funnier that the whole of HB2 put together.

Current Mood: Dismissive
Current Music: nope


Jasz on B-Grade Flicks

Jasz "The Spammer" A | 6 Jul 2004, 12:36pm
Unwilling to go home at 10 pm since it was too early, Popesmokesdope and me were looking for some place to eat. We had just come from Raghu Romeo at Prasad's where we had hogged throughout the movie. We were looking for a place that served inexpensive snacks.
We then had a brain wave and headed towards Venkatadri Theatre in Dilshuknagar.
At the start of each week, I mark out all the must-see-movies. This particular movie was marked simply because of it promised sleaze at its best. Movie's name is Mirchi.
A low-budget, late 90's action drama aka B-Grade chiller choot movie, this movie featured 12 hot babes in short skirts. But the sleaze never came. This ticked me off. PSD was ROFL at the song lyrics while I was ROFL at the acting skills. Or rather, the lack of any.
Midway between the movie, while I was talking myself into staying through till the end, I told myself this: "Jasz, this is what rural India lives on. Its a B-Grade grindhouse film".
The last two words reminded me of QT and his Love for the B-grade movie industry. Then I started looking at Mirchi in a different way. I saw a formulaic movie, that played to the directors strengths and delivered what it promised. No different from a Karan Johar movie is it? I started seeing every scene and situation as a parody of the big-budget flicks. The villains lair. The hero's ill fitting leather jacket. The heroine's non-contribution to the flick.
This kind of thinking did not help me like the movie, (it sucked - end of story) it made me think about Kill Bill Vol 1.
I see why some people did not like the movie. FOr all their faults these people do not know jack-shit about beautiful visuals. They dont pay attention to the dialogues except in scenes where the female seduces the male. They do not know that the violence was SUPPOSED to be funny.
This brings the focus back to film-freaks like me. Would I have liked the movie if it was made by anyone other than QT? Even if it resembled this one frame-to-frame? Maybe I would have praised the visuals but thats about it.
I wouldnt have watched it 9 times (only). I wouldnt have quoted it all over the place. I wouldnt have defended it so much. I wouldnt have discussed it with so many people in hope of understanding things that I didnt get yet.
Goes to show how strange movie fans can be. We laugh at people who like movies just because their favourite actor is in it and we go and do the same thing.

Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: i hate having to choose one of those moods.


Jasz is Motivated

Jasz "The Spammer" A | 24 Jun 2004, 8:11am
God help the people who believe that doing a small motivational course can get you all the riches and happiness in your life.
If it really was a key to unlimited wealth and boundless happiness, why would it be priced at Rs 4999?
Worse still are the Amway salespeople who suddenly care about your performance in college and the ,ileage of your bike just because they want to have a personal meeting with you so that they can explain the plan to you. What a sham!!
During the meetings, as "beneficiaries" walk upto the stage to "share" their experience, I wonder if any of them had a happy life and yet joined and succeeded. Every single person talks about his boos kicked his ass, his children pestered him, his wife nagged and suddenly after spending 4999, he has the most fulfilling life there is.

Whatever happened to good ole luck and god's grace.

Then there are those after-meeting social exchanges which really get to me. The plastic smiles, the furious number-exchange jig, the forced expression of interest in your shirt color. Why?

Current Mood: Dismissive
Current Music: In Flames - Scorn



Jasz "The Spammer" A | 18 May 2004, 10:43pm

The last few days have been really boring on FullHyd. Except the Hitlist thread where the mods and a few of their aides fucked my happiness, all threads were but a blur to me.

Another awesome thread was the Kill Bill thread that I mentioned in the previous post. It is in threads like those that I think lies the essence of DB's. Not in the punk-ass "I am Srinivas and want to meet babes" threads that have invaded the boards.

People blame spammers like Azazel and me for the decreasing quality of the discussions. Atleast we keep the board moving. Look at the threads from 6 months ago, replies were posted 2days after the threads began

Another thing that really gets on my nerves are all these stoopid blogs that have been pretty active the last few days. Like I said earlier, who the FUCK wants to be a part of your misery. Are blogs all about writing shitass experiences of yours? Are blogs all about using 8+letter words and rants. These guys rant so much that it gives me a bonafide headache. I dont give a horse's ass if you can give gaalis to goondas on the roads. I dont care if you hate exams. I dont care if you have nothing in your head to write. Fuck all you boring baseless bloggers. And they called bloggin the next form of literature.

Current Mood: Cold
Current Music: none

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