Last night's high has given way to today's feeling of utter confusion. Of course that could be due to the fact that I woke up, ate, went to a seminar which had me bulbed, ate, scratched my butt, yakked on d phone, did some math, slept, yakked some more, ate, stared blankly at d computer screen, yelled at my CD-writer,ate...finally bathed. Now back here and wondering wtf to do. Contemplated banging my head against the comp table till I could see my skull, but naa, it gets boring after a while. I'm peeling the skin off my fingers as of now, the pain's acting like a stimulant for me brain. I'm doing this and wondering, firstly , "wat the fuck am i doing?" and secondly, "who am i?". The first question has been explained in detail, lets move on to the next one.
Am I the engineering student who ,like everyone else, has lost his way somewhere along the lines of these 3 years? Am I yet another CAT aspirant hoping to make it big, not knowing an iota of economics/commerce? Am I the seemingly filled-to-the-brim-with-malice blogger who's bent on ripping every other blogger apart? Am I the hopelessly funny lunatic walking the face of the
earth hoping to discover if he controls his life? Am I a "grown-up"? Am I the guy who seems to be a friend to one and everyone, you know, one of those "part of the coolest groups in college" types? Am I the truant son who's wondering if he'll ever live up to his parents' expectation? Am I the lonely guy who sits and wonders if he has one "true friend"? Am I the apparently profound dude who talks on life and other such shit with people whom he wishes was like? Am I the dude who converses for hours on end with any random girl and is left feeling that nothing has been spoken about? Am I the dude who talks for those ten minutes with that one girl, and is left deep in thought, with a heavy-feeling in his heart hoping that he could have talked for just one more minute? Am I the sick mean bastard whose comments keep getting deleted off these blogs? Am I a spammer? Am I the religious church-goer who sits and ponders why the Lord keeps blessing me so many times when I keep going astray,again and again? Am I the avid sports-fan I proclaim to be? Am I the kick-butt gamer in Quake III,etc, screaming out profanities while I sweep the virtual battlefields whole? Am I the lazy bum who can't raise his arse off the couch to go play outside!?
Who am I?
I'm NOT spiderman, thats been proved beyond doubt (tried walking up the wall, head still hurts). Am I an individual? I would like to think so. They say "be an individual, do not make it easy to be dismissed in a sentence", well I've successfully amassed a whole paragraph above. Ofcourse many of could dismiss me in a sentence, "you're a raving lunatic who learnt english and is now showing that you can type it out too", or even more succintly, "you're a dickwad". I take all that in my stride, 'coz those are just some more facets of ME. I do not want to know who I am, I do not want to be classified. I hate classifications. Ah well, as long as I justify every role that I pretend to be I guess its ok in the end. Or is it? (thats an open question) To quote Jerry Cantrell's song...
Slowly all the roles we act out become our identity
And in the end we are what we pretend to be
Jerry Cantrell
Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: Richard Marx - Hazard
4 Jul 2004, 9:07pm
You are an average-JOE who is living a dead-end life, aka Jack and i am Tyler durden aka johnny. Shall i introduce u to a new way of life dude? ;)
4 Jul 2004, 9:33pm
The first rule of Fight Club is.
You do not talk about Fight Club.
The second rule of Fight Club is.
You DO not talk about Fight Club.
You just broke the first two rules, bend over johnnboi.
4 Jul 2004, 9:44pm
There u go... it is U who broke the rules... I never mentioned it in the first place. did i?
And moreover i get to decide the rules. so shut up and follow. :D
4 Jul 2004, 11:49pm
Hey man, this was a really good one. The second post of yours that i liked. And i like it better than the first one!
5 Jul 2004, 4:13am
Got the JaszMan thnking. And that is a VERY big thing.
5 Jul 2004, 12:26pm
read it thrice already, and going back to read it again. I hate you.
5 Jul 2004, 2:14pm
"we are what we pretend to be"
pretense. wat a moronic thing.
be dat as it may, nice me bro. veddy nice. like da jazzman, thou hast gotten me thinkin. nevah knew 'joevial'-lookin types were thinkin all dis. :-)
all in all, well said.
syko.
5 Jul 2004, 4:12pm
to quote some1 else... "I am such a good actor and nobody even realises that"
pretense is a moronic thing? i dunno bro...me too confused for me meself here...
thank u jaszman..dint know u THUNK too...:D
omg...maastah commented on me blog..^:)^
fa finally gets down from cloud #9 to comment on a mortal's blog!wts dis world comin to?!i love u too...
PS:its a nice whole gatherin in hea ain't it?
PPS:wts wit d doofus "joe" hinters? x-(
5 Jul 2004, 7:44pm
Hmrfffffffff.. x-( who deleted my comment???????? FH??? Payne???? Kisne Ghustaaaki ki hai???
5 Jul 2004, 8:31pm
was just joeking...
oops :D there i go again. ya. nice lil gatherin heah indeed :D
syko.
PS: pretense is moronic. but it's also inescapable.
6 Jul 2004, 11:01am
hi jos!!!
It sounds like winter got it's drowsy eyes introduced to the spring!!!! else are u trying to say ,if winter comes, spring be far behind!!!