Setec Astronomy

Its an interesting thing this life-business. A week back I was full of words to type out, by words I do not mean the crap in my last post but the coherent well-woven sentences in a few posts on this blog(ok.."well-woven" is a bit far fetched :P), BUT here I'm now absolutely devoid of thought-processes and ideas. The only change between now and then is the general state of happiness in me life as of the last few days. Lotsa good things, some great things...and if I work my butt ,more to follow. My main motivator to work would be a glimpse of some moments in the past few days where I felt I could fly, where the rain seemed great, where while walking down the road I felt I could conquer the world, like the world was mine, I've felt this way before but it has been a long time since. I say a "long time" only because its been a long while since I felt happy because of something I did, and not because of someone else.

Now getting to the point I'm trying to make. There was this thread on the DBs the other day asking if, if your life would be made into a movie, what would be its title? And then today, Magician goes ahead and posts this totally hilarious post 'bout writing a book about his/her life. Got me thinking. Its just that my life, as a whole, would be one verry confusing movie/book..the movie would have toooo many characters, the book too many chapters. It would be a tedious affair alright. I look at my life as a collection of short-stories, a serial spawning a zillion disconnected episodes, with a zillion different characters. The title would be Evanescence, 'coz everything, well almost everything, in my life has been shortlived or temporary. Whether it be my feelings for someone, my hobbies, my friends, my emotions, my illnesses(been a lot of them), the houses I've lived in(been a looot of them too),the schools,my tastes in music.....a lot of what makes a person, or does it?

I envy all the fukkers who have "best friends for life", bloody bastards whom they know since they were five year olds or something! I loathe all the bitches who've stayed in one house all their life or atleast for the past decade or something, n know people called "neighbours". All those dipshits who say "my school". I haven't been in any institution longer than I've been in my engineering college so far. I have never lived in any house longer than three years, that is, just when I start to make friends with the junta around, we move. My oldest friends are the ones I keep least in touch with, its always been this way. I can't stand the girl I used to be head-over-heels over...let us not get into love and relationships, the only thing constant in that zone has been the fact that at any given time there've been atleast 'n' chicks I've liked. For a while ,sometime ,a few months back, I felt "this is it" "she's the one", only to be jolted by life's evil twists...and here I am on the road again.

There you go. The confusion in my cranium is stifling my capacity to attach words to the thoughts that are floating around unchecked, I'm nearly at the point of breakdown while I type this, I seem to have lost the capacity to write, just like I've lost every other thing which I thought was mine. My life. A collection of fleeting images, each so diverse that you'd think I suffer from a MPD. Every moment of sadness/happiness/ merging into a state of confusion to a state of indifference, finally ending up with me totally forgettin the reason and moving on in life. Only to crash headlong into another one of life's speedbreakers. Everyday conversing with a hundred million people who think they know who I am, all the while me realising..deep down..that come 2mro, I may not be speaking to 'em anymore. Wow, I'm such an asshole.

Thats it ,I quit. I'm the creator of all my doubts about non-existent things in life. Change has been the only constant thing in me life, only 'coz I've let it be that way. Damn. Balls to all of this. No NO more thinking aloud allowed on this blog. Goddamit. Fullstop.

Payne, Payne, Payne.

PS: wat the fuck did i jus type out here?!?! geez...i've totally lost it.