men beware

No mention of the metrosexual male is quite complete without a reference to the heterosexual variety. Well, this is the dude who squirms at the mention of the bill you pay at the parlour, but would not have you looking any less good. This is the dude who brags about the configuration of his PC (as in personal computer...some of us move on less innocent tangents here), runs his index finger, absently, over the cd before pushing the tray in (really, what is that about?), thinks hair conditioner is a gimmick that works on the more gullible (but hogs the mirror on the good hair days), and this is the dude who would rather die than have a girl call him, "oooh honnney" in front of, "the guys".

Well, here's some brutal honesty fellas...we love calling you that 'cos we know it makes you go this pretty shade of scarlet and well, our mean streak totally digs that! And about the other things, those of us who aren't sold on the concept of, "pretty boys" might let you have them yet.

Ooh! And, do not criticise Mills and Boons because you don't understand them. They are just fantastic because you know that in the end everything will work out and there will be a, "happily ever after". And that's a cozy little feeling after some works of Maupassant and Wilde. You can criticise the useless Shah Rukh Khan movies though that are all the same mush and he isn't even cute, or mysterious and more crucially, because he will always remain wedged in between puberty and..... puberty! But don't even think of condemning My Fair Lady.

And what is this silliness about growing up? I don't think anyone should ever grow up so completely as to stop feeding the child in them. It is quite preposterous. And hypocritical, I dare add. Because you guys would go and watch stupid movies that have, "mind blowing action machcha!", and don't even get me started on the super hero fantasies you all secretly cherish.

Current Mood: Irreverent
Current Music: You are so vain - Carly Simons

The first time I came across a guy in a male G-string, my second reaction was, "progressive, revolutionary, liberated!". In case anyone is wondering about the first, then, well, try, "ma ma mia, ooh la la, dishy!".

Anyhoo, first things first. Bet my first reaction has propelled the Julie Andrews type ladies and the Boxer-shorts type men into cardiac arrest anyway, so we can safely assume that those of us still reading this fall in neither of the above categories and, perhaps more importantly, are alive and well.

About the second, well, turns out the style may not be so revolutionary afterall. It has been inspired by Indian tradition! Speaking of which, the sarees that men wore during the Lakme India Fashion Week last year and the male skirts showcased this year were a head turner for sure. And I, for one, thought that some of the guys looked alright, really! (except, I do hope Vijay Mallya does not try one of those skirts that he rumouredly bought. Would not want to see those legs.). Maybe, it is all about reinventing and redefining - that is probably what keeps the interest kicking.

Meterosexuality - well, that sure seems to be the latest fad. I have nothing against dudes who like to pamper themselves but that is only as long as they look like Hugh Grant in "About A Boy". The minute they start to look like one of them pretty boys one sees on the tube, they are off my radar for sure (ever notice how alike all the metrosexual Japanese men look?). And ofcourse, no competetion for the mirror boys!

All in all, I like where the new trends are heading. It is nice to come across a man who is really comfortable in his skin. No insecurities and no ego hassles. Now, that's a real man!

Current Mood: Wicked
Current Music: Man, I feel like a woman

Saw my shrink today. He is Nuts. Well, that's his name. Phil Nuts (not to be mistaken for the Dr Phil from the Oprah Winfrey show. That one is just nuts) . Just imagine if his name was Macadamian Nuts! His clinic is very tastefully (yeah, right!!) called "Couch Potato". Yes, he has some issues and, he has a shrink.

So he tells me, "Appleby, you will always shine". Well, helloo! Gloss finish, not matte. Duh! says that right on me! Brilliant, just BRILLIANT Doc! Can't believe I pay him 5000 bucks an hour for this dazzling display of genius. But anyway, this dude is quite like that wack job Ally McBeal had for a shrink just before she met Robert Downey Junior. And that explains why I keep going to him - in the hope of meeting a RD Jr. Sigh...I am an incorrigible optimist.

We tried hypnosis today. And it was cool. At the end of it I had him convinced he was a blood sucking Leach (Oh u didnt think i'd let him hypnotise me, did u?). And you know what he tells me? "Thank You". So I explained to him that I meant the animal and that it wasn't supposed to be a remark comlimenting his ability to really fleece people! By Jove! just the nerve of that guy...! Incase anyone really wants to know, he promptly snapped out of the trance.

Speaking of which, John Keats still sends me into that trance! It should be against the law to write so beautifully!

Current Music: First Touch

Sails Ahoy! Full Steam Ahead!

I am Appleby, Aphrodite's favourite possession. You will not catch her dead without me! Actually, since Goddesses are endowed with the gift of immortality, you will not catch her dead. Period. Anyway, you get my drift. She has no secrets from me. Whatever she says first goes through yours truly! (Yes location helps).

I am a divine shade of pink with a generous amount of glitter and, I taste like apples. And whenever I say that, people pronounce me schizophrenic!! For they believe that someone of my colour characteristics cannot be pink! May be green or even red, but at any rate, not pink! HUH! That is so dark ages. It is bigotry, racism and discrimination! Cannot believe that folks can be so colour driven! How can they make judgements based on colour and looks? It is an outrage!

Maybe they are just jealous, for I am Her (yeah with a capital H) favourite. And she loves the forbidden fruit. But the fact remains that I am divine, I am pink, I am applecious (Hoo! Hoo! Coined a new word!) and, I am in therapy. Hoo! Hoo!!

Current Mood: Triumphant
Current Music: Star - Bryan Adams