Nihilist

When someone invites you for a cook-in, the rational thing to do is to politely refuse. As you may notice, the adjective used was something related to sanity. So, me following such norms would be a surprise.

After the initial "long time..."s, the conversation seem to die. For people who don

Current Mood: Relieved
Current Music: Crash Test Dummies - Supermans Song

Its that time of the year again when my folks go on a vacation, leaving me home alone. This can be fun only if you are as irritating as Macaulay Culkin. Its been three days since I was left to my company. Sniffling and cursing, I damned all my friends who seem to have

Current Mood: Bad Hair Day
Current Music: Sarah Mclaughlin - Brokedown Palace Soundtrack

Having been bred on a nonbeliever-skeptical psyche, it is hard for me not to be dragged into mire of sorts when things start pointing. Chuck the pun. I am not qualified enough to delve into intricacies of coincidental indicators, but every person gets hints from time to time. Your gut - its always talking. It

Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: Delerium - Fallen

Jan 6th, 05/ 7:30 p.m./CCCM, Hyderabad.

Moment of truth.

After two weeks of absolute mayhem in the lab, this is where it all ends. My specimen is brought in for analysis.

I stare at the monstrous EDAX-SEM, as I pull out my little plastic cover, handing it over to the operator. He unhurriedly pulls up a paper to pour the

Current Mood: Grand
Current Music: Dave Mathews Band

Excerpt from my lab database, C:\Documents and Settings\Ps151\My Documents\jan3.doc :

3rd January, 05
12:15 p.m.

My fifty kilometers drive every day to my work place and back, all alone. 

When a man is so used to his own company, he tends to develop a monologue syndrome. My fellow commuters, who peek into my window occasionally, take me for a mumbling disgruntled madman. Not too aberrant a personality analysis, might I say?

As I tunnel my vehicle through the traffic trying to sneak every inch of road under my tyres, I translate my existence. A faceless man in an ocean of heads is trying to foot his way through time. I have been doing the same thing every day, day after day

Current Mood: Feeling Better
Current Music: Iron Maiden - Wasted Years

Okay now, first things first. One half witted friend of mine comes to my god foresaken blog and laughs to my face. To him I say, fucker is spelt with a 'c' and a 'u', you fkker!!!

Now I curse myself for bestowing him with the adoration of a mention in my blog....again, fkker!!!! Get an excuse for life and stop calling up people and telling 'em I turned into a geek. I have. Now shut your trap!

For all other people who accidentally stumbled onto this blog, dont mind us... we are freaks.

Also now that this dreary ol' blog has suddenly become the butt of quite some unwanted ridicule in my social mote, I shall henceforth subject a lot of souls with equally waggish butts to public banter.

Sie sind gewarnt worden!

 

Current Mood: Cold
Current Music: Steve Vai

 

Things I don

Current Mood: Dumb
Current Music: Queensryche - Empire

 

Milestone reading:150 km Hyd.
As our car came to a screeching halt as a band of people carrying black flag paraded across us, it hit me, "Today's Dec 6th - Black Day!"
I was heading home after a religious trip, and the two routes into the city would be either through Charminar or Saifabad; both essentially, Muslim domains. I am not a bigot,but surely Lal Krishna's new Hindutva stance may tempt a minority leader to make a statement. God forbid, it may be on this day. Scenes from Mr. and Mrs. Iyer flash across my mind. I am surely over reacting. As I shift my focus onto the long stretching road, my mind wanders back more than a decade ago, when the incident actually happened; there was curfew in the city and everyone was locked up in one's houses. I remember that guy carrying a long knife wandering on our lonely street, when I peeked through my window, wondering what such a creature was doing in a respected locality like ours. It was a jungle then.
Waving off those thoughts, I turned to my family, who were oblivious to these scary scenes in my mind. I felt I was now a part of a Maniratnam movie; merry victims before they face their gawry end. My aunt looked at the beautiful sunflower stretches longing a picture of the same. "Last wishes", i thought.

Milestone reading:120 km Hyd.
I look at my cell, still no signal. Are the Idea towers safe? C'mon, I am surely over reacting! Mind wandered a couple of hours back.. Saffron flags, VHP slogans on the walls shouting out "Hindu is Hindu's patron", such fanatic explicits, why? I dared not to think of the counterpart. " Papa, dash kardo!" giggled my little brother indicating to the car in front.Suicidal tendencies at such an early age?!! God, are trying to tell me something? Is he showing me the true worth of a mortal life? Or... ?

Milestone reading:90 km Hyd.
I now begin to remember all my Muslim friends and check for their phone numbers, just in case. Surely, I am over reacting!! I do not carry any hostility against anyone, of any background, leave aside religion. I have no reason to be afraid. It is this mistrust that breeds sin. No, i shall not pre judge, I think, as my eyes fall on the Hindu God's sticker at the corner of my windscreen. I shall not judge, but will they hold discretion? "They"?????? What???!!! What am I turning into?

Milestone reading:30 km Hyd.
Thank God the signal towers are safe! I "was" over reacting!

As we turn the by lanes and enter the outskirts, a lonely black flag greets us. My entire education flashes across my mind, this is a civilization, not a movie! As we head in  to the city, we see a hoard of policemen/RAF security lined up against the streets. We were passing through a "sensitive" area. The car in front of us gets pulled up, a rugged man with unkempt facial hair appears out of it.

Fifteen minutes later, we enter Koti. It seemed as if nothing ever happened. It was just another Monday. It actually was! It was never anything else. For a brief while, I became one of "them". Hanging my head in shame,I entered a restraurant promising my self, never to indulge in such petty thoughts.
 

But is the stigma gone?

 

Current Mood: Embarrassed
Current Music: Junoon - Sayyonee

You remember those days, when your dad used to come out when you play.. and you desperately wanted to hit the next ball for a six, only to get those bails knocked off. And then he would ask, to play for one ball and hit it out of the park. Hero.

Things change as time goes by.. your dad struggles to compete against those fighter plane pilots and JAG lawyers.. But still, he was your first. And he rocked!!

Heroes are difficult people. They seem so personal, yet so distant. Your adrenaline rushed when you saw a documentary on them; your flesh turned bumpy like a goose when they spoke, let alone sing.. live!! But they never quite did it for you, did they? Your walls would disagree, I guess.

I also went through a phase of absolute arrogance when I thought an individual who looks up to a person, is too small. Weak, even.. Why do you need someone to show you the way, when you have the wings, yourself? I wanted to touch the literal skies. Adolescence.. ah!!

It's not wrong to have heroes.. neither is it belittling. Heroes are great signposts, (not of course, if they have hair longer than your sister's - my mom's line), they are just, not GODs!!


Current Mood: Heroic
Current Music: Heroes - The Wallflowers (?!!)

Am I ? (rhetorical)

*I do not judge people. People are what they are, because they have reasons to be what they are.
Fact:I wince when a bum crosses me.

*I do not enter into intelligent conversations because I feel they are just slugfests to prove how good you are at paraphrasing others’ great thoughts.
Fact:I am a religious viewer of “The Big Fight”, “We, The People” and the likes.

*I read books to satiate my appetite for knowledge. They act as stimulators for my thought processes originating from the topics they present.
Fact:I check the weekly Book Reviews as a guiding source.

*I believe in living a simple, uncomplicated life
Fact: My ex is seeing my best friend; I am going out with her cousin.

*I write, not for people to appreciate my creativity or humour, but to explore my psyche.
Fact: How can people appreciate non-existential entities?

*I want to do my bit for the society, however small it is. I do not expect recognition or reward for these efforts.
Fact:I feel it was nice of the local newspaper to have covered the social awareness programme.

*Pretty faces do not fascinate me. I look at the person within.
Fact:I wish my platonic female friend would groom herself more often.

*I do not carry grudges. Water under the bridge. By gones.
Fact:The bridge still remains.

*Am I a pseudo? No.
Fact: Nobody REALLY cares.


Knock knock..
Who s there?
Company.






Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: Buddha Bar